Why we don’t like to pray with our brides

October 31, 2010

in Links to good stuff, Shared walk

I recently had a very enlightening discussion with a few guys from church about being spiritual (praying, Bible reading, and so on) with or in front of our bride. I have long wondered why some men have a very difficult time doing this (for me it was my kids, but it was the same thing).

 

Two reasons for this were suggested. First, and I think we all related to it, there is the fact that our wife has seen us at our very worst. She knows the sins, the failure, and all the ugly stuff. Being “spiritual” in front of such an audience can seem rather hypocritical.

The other observation was that a fellow who is holding things back from his wife (current or past sins, or anything else he’s not sharing) may not want to come before God with her because it puts him in a place where God will press him to be more open.

Maybe this has given you some insight? Regardless of why you don’t pray and otherwise engage in “spiritual practices” with your bride, you need to do whatever it takes to change that. Women want to connect on every level, and the spiritual level is a very important one. If you hold back spiritually, she will not feel free in other areas (including sexually).

Links to blog posts that stood out to me this last week:

New blog this week: One Flesh Marriage Their three week anniversary post was The 10-Day Challenge, which starts on Monday Nov 1st. I like what Brad had to say about this, including the reality that it’s not as easy as you may think, and what Kate wrote in her follow up 10 Amazing Nights! Or Days! Or Afternoons! :). A sex challenge like this can be fun, but what really makes it worth doing is what you learn about yourself, your bride, and your marriage by trying it. If you “fail” it’s still good, because you will learn something about your marraige.

This looks like it’s going to be a great blog. I especially like that they are writing as a couple, and that they respond to what the other has said. This should be a great blog for a husband and wife to read together – or to read apart and then discuss. You will find links to a couple other post from this blog below.


Happily Married After

13 Things Your Wife Wishes She Could Tell You: David has a MUST READ with this outstanding post. Read it. Read it again. Memorise it. The live it and watch your marriage change. This is so good I am printing it out and posting it where I will see it daily.
Another MUST READ here. Find out how the principles that made Zappos a multi million dollar on-line company can make your marriage better.: TEXT


Intimacy in Marriage

Intimacy Before Intimacy: How One Couple Restored Their Marriage After Infidelity: A great article (with links to much more) for anyone who has struggled with infidelity or porn. In particular, this jumped out at me: “Satisfying sex is the physical connection between a husband and wife who are already deeply connected emotionally. ”


Journey to Surrender

Intimacy – Choose to Lose the Shame: “Shame destroys intimacy with God. Shame destroys intimacy in marriage. ” Yup, that’s it in a nut shell. Great post on an important issue.
Intimacy – As Much as You Want: I could not agree more with Scott on this. We limit intimacy, and there is ALWAYS more.


The Marry Blogger

What I Learned in Traffic School – is a series Stu is doing using lessons from traffic school to point out things we need to do or change our marriages. Check out What I Learned in Traffic School: The 3 Second Ruleand What I Learned in Traffic School: Delayed Acceleration with more to come.


One Flesh Marriage

Celebrating Milestones! and Celebrating Milestones… Brad’s response: Women tend to be more into this than men (although there are exceptions) and that’s a good reason for you to be the one to initiated a bit of milestone recollection with your bride.
One Flesh . . . what does that mean, exactly?? and One Flesh… what does that mean exactly?.. Brad’s responce: These posts talk about how Kate and Brad came to have a deep, one flesh connection. They choose not the way most folks go, but a better way, a God way – they divested themselves of empty pleasures and distractions to focus on each other.


The Romantic Vineyard

A Fragrant Aroma: Honesty Breeds Intimacy: If this beautiful but painful post does not convict you, you are either not paying attention or are already perfect.
The Fruit Of The Spirit: Meekness: Another great post in the series.


Simple Marriage

Saying No to Build the Lifestyle You Desire: Absolutely. Correct. You have to say no to have what you really want.

2 comments
Chris Tolles
Chris Tolles

I'm a recent visitor to this site, and have appreciated the sex-positive, encouraging, problem-facing attitudes of Generous Husband. It's been great tot be challenged by the daily newsletter, and I've learned a lot. That said, I think your use of the word "spiritual" here does a disservice to your message (which is overall quite good!). "Spiritual" vs. "unspiritual" things is not an issue of category (praying is "spiritual," doing dishes is "unspiritual), but rather as a word to define the character of anything (praying can be "unspiritual" if it is done with the wrong attitude/intentions [Luke 18:9-14], just as plumbing can be "spiritual" if done right [1 Corinthians 10:23-33]). Your language necessarily suggests that sex is an "unspiritual practice," which in context of your other written material, I'm quite confident you don't believe!

Karenshubby
Karenshubby

In the past I was concerned about praying with my wife at night being afraid if she was thinking spiritually she would not want to have sex. Now I realize the best sex is when afterward we can thank God for the gift of sex. God has given us a great gift in sex but it must be experienced within the guidelines he established.

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