Good sex requires communication, and good sexual communication requires a common language for sex acts and sexual parts of the body. There are a variety of options, all of which have possible negatives:
- Scientific terms. Unfortunately, the “proper words” feel cold and clinical to many. These are the words used to communicate with our doctors, parents, and children, and as such don’t feel very sexy.
- Cutesy terms. A lot of guys don’t feel very manly having their penis called a “pee pee”. Additionally, saying things that make you or your partner giggle may not set the desired mood.
- Slang terms. These could be subdivided into those used as curse words and those not used this way. The latter are less of a problem for most; the former can be a real problem if either person has used these words as curse words in the past or has had the words used on them in this way. Some feel such words are tainted and sinful to use, others feel that what a couple chooses for the words to mean to them is no one else’s business.
- Porn terms. Most of these are also the above. An added problem is that they may bring back feelings from porn, or make a woman feel like she is being objectified. Additionally, some of these terms are fairly ambiguous.
- Words you choose as a couple. Some couples come up with their own terms, using words not normally associated with sexuality. These can be things like “the girls” for her breasts, his middle name for his penis, some animal or plant name for various parts, and so on. This could include some or all of the above as well as words with no sexual meaning. The down side to this is the time it takes to find words that both husband and wife like.
Whatever words you use, they need to be words that she feels comfortable hearing and using. They need to be words that don’t trigger any bad memories. Also, be sure that you both have the same meaning for the words you use – exactly what part of the body, or what sex act, does each word mean?