A post I did a couple of months back had a string of comments, and included in that was this:
“Also, in my experience pulling the ‘I work so hard to provide for you’ card is an absolute smoke screen for men to avoid accepting responsibility for their own actions, (I know, I have done it).”
I could not agree more. Even among guys who never say something like this, I suspect many feel that way from time to time.
I think several things play into this:
First, it’s easy to see “bringing in the money” (or the majority of it if she works but you make more) as somehow more important than anything else; without the money, none of the rest of it can happen. However, let’s face it, without what she is doing, things would be a mess (literally and figuratively). What’s more, if you had to do all the things she does, you would have less time to work, and/or less time to play. How she spends her time does directly affects your time, even if you don’t see it.
Second, I don’t think most husbands have a clue what their bride does day in and day out. They think they do, but most really do not. You come home and something is messy – but that does not mean it was that way half an hour ago. Especially with small children, cleaning up is an ongoing, never-ending task. She may well have cleaned what is now messy several times during the day. Beyond this, doing what’s needed to keep a home looking nice and running smoothly is a series of interruptions. Doing one thing, finishing it, then moving on, is not a luxury at home wives know.
Third – the old saying “A man works from sun to sun, a woman’s work is never done” is still accurate for many. No matter how much she does during the day, there are usually things that must be done after you get home and are done for the day. She may not work the whole time you are at work, but she almost certainly works over a larger range of hours. Again, this is especially true for moms of small children.