I was recently reading a blog post about oral sex. It started by saying, to women [paraphrased], “To give great oral sex, you have to love having his penis in your mouth” and went on to make a similar statement to men.
The more I thought about this, the more I saw that it was true – and true of sex in general, not just oral sex. Let’s face it, it’s difficult to enjoy something she’s not enjoying, no matter how good it feels to your body. If you are really “hard up” you may be able to push past this, and if she doesn’t like any kind of sex you may just learn to live with it, but the only truly good sex is doing things she really likes to do.
Sure, if it’s her choice, out of love, occasionally doing something she’s not wild about is okay. However, if she does not enjoy it, it’s not truing her on, and if she dislikes it then it’s turning her off. Beyond this, doing things she does not enjoy sexually makes a connection in her mind – a connection that is detrimental to her enjoyment of sex, and thus harmful to your future enjoyment of sex. Doing things she dislikes is even more harmful. The oral sex she performs after you ask her the hundredth time might feel good, but is it really worth what it costs you?
I think it’s far better to limit yourself to things she enjoys; this will foster greater sexual pleasure, and that in turn will lead to greater sexual desire on her part. What’s more, a “no” about something today does not mean, “I will never want to do that.” Plenty of women are today enjoying and even asking for sex acts they once found questionable or distasteful. By limiting himself to the sex acts his wife enjoys, a husband is giving her room to learn to love sex. Once that happens, many things will change.
In short, restraint is no fun now, but it has significant long-term advantages. On the other hand, pushing for all she will allow now is tempting, but the long-term results are not what either of you want.