Lying about yourself makes you worse

November 19, 2010

in Marriage Killer

I recently read an interesting article entitled “Faking It: The Psychological Cost“. Test subjects were given sunglasses; some were told the glasses were real designer glasses, while others were told they were knock-offs. Those were thought they were wearing fakes were more than twice as likely to cheat on a task they were given. Those who thought they had fakes also distrusted others more, interpreting common behaviours as less truthful.

Apparently, when we are being deceitful, we are more willing to be dishonest and unethical, and we expect others to be less honest. Even thinking we are doing something deceptive  is enough to cause these reactions.

Based on this, any lack of honesty with your bride means that you will trust her less, and will be more likely to lie to her. I would think this could become a viscous cycle, with each new level of dishonesty leading to even bigger lies. Additionally, if you distrust your bride with no good reason, maybe it’s because you are being less than honest with her!

2 comments
Eleutheros
Eleutheros

Yes. This is the truth and one I come face to face within myself as I learn how to be good, the way I was created to be. Jesus is honest. And he is bold, also. Why? Because He is good, not just because He is Jehovah made Human. For were not Paul and Peter and James and John likewise honest and bold, saying things and pointing out things that would make most modern Christians cringe to be likewise doing? But they were not self-righteous about it, that is feeling good inside for having an opportunity to point out someone's sinfulness, but, rather, I perceive that they felt a genuine grieving for having to be bold and honest. (I'll even bet that the anger Jesus felt at the deeds of the religious came mostly from His having to boldly and honestly point out these truly hypocritical things that they do rather than from any kind of hatred that He felt for them, personally. Try being bold, sometime, and see what kind of emotions you feel.) So, they were dangerous, too, just like their Savior, but, like Him, they were also good. Boldness, then, I've come to understand, is one of the character traits of the righteous, while cowardice is indicative of a soul that delights in deception. And cowards, so I've read, will have to face the lake of fire when the age of righteousness begins. So, this that you write about is what I have come to believe from scripture and from living my life re-sired of God, and now seem to have proof of. Still, though, boldness is 'scary', emotionally speaking, and sometimes costly. There is a cost to pay, in this life, for being good, because I've found that you are being normal in a word where the abnormal is the norm. And so, boldness and honesty are required so that the things that are truth, while this age endures, don't chew you up and spit you out as a hypocrite. Just some thoughts I thought I'd share with you all from my understanding while I was considering this post- for whatever they may be worth.

Boyd
Boyd

I' ve been with my wife for approx. 21yrs. 16 of which we have been married. By the time we married, we both had overcome jealousy and had adapted to a high level of trust in every area except $. We had seperate checking accounts and seperate billing responsibilities. We entered the marriage with a plan. We would marry after both completed college and had began our career and I would return to school after 2 years to begin graduate training. After returning to school initially, I purchased a computer which ultimately forced me to stop education to return to a debt free lifestyle. After our 3rd year of marriage, my wife wanted children. I wasn't ready (R/T educational goals) but wanted to make her happy. Due to infertility problems, my bride sought extended medical support for fertility and Jan. 2001, we had our 1st daughter. Later that year, my father died then by Dec. 2001, my grandmother died. As a result of there loss, I inherited >$16,000.00. During this time, I spoke with a wealthy uncle of hers that convienced me to assume her financial obligations and allow her to pay me monthly installments allowing me to be her bank (so to say.) Withing 2 months, she approached me with a credit card debt that she could no longer make the minimnum payments for. I used the $16,000.00 to pay off her credit debt. Within 3 months of that, she insisted that the $1000-.00 grocery allowance that she was receiving wasn't enough to feed our family of 3, resulting in my increasing her monthly allowance to $1200.00. Within 6months later, she began working 24 hours a month less resulting in $480.00 less income. This basically meant that I would receive a lower monthly payments even further. Over the next 7 years, we experienced hurricane Katrina and 2 misscarrtiages leaving us emotionally unhealthy. As a result of Katrina, the financial laws were losend for us and I accessed $42,000.00 to allow my unhappy wife to remodel the home. I initially wanted to obtain this money to attempt to become comepletely free from debt but she know's exactly how to play my emotions against me. Eventually realizing that @ age 40, I could no longer put off my education in hopes of financial security, and I was developing some hostility with a co-worker so I quit FT work to return to school. Though she had betrayed my trust with finances, I went into this marriage fully aware of her misunderstandings of economics. She was aware of it too. That's why seperate accounts worked for us. During the month @ home, plannning my future, I encountered a source of information that identified a huge betrayal of my trust. This time, it wasn't about money. This time, it envolved our sex life. Fueled with jealousy and distrust, I began searching everything. I installed a keylogger and reviewed every keystroke of our computer, reviewed on-line memberships, all of her purchases through paypal that dated back to 2002 and ranged in the thousands, I obtained call and text records, buged the house, tapped the phone, buged the car. I even considered video survellence before deciding it was just too expensive. This revealed a detailed timeline for me to review in regard to the most recent betrayal. It also revealed approximately $4000.00 that was being funneled into a private account that was not used to benefit our family billing responsibilities. I've always been completely honest about everything with her. So honest htat she tells me to stop telling her so much. I've been emotionally damaged as a result of this betrayal. Wanting to make things work, I began initiating some home therapy that I gained through on-line & self help books. This is how I experienced the marriage bed. It has helped in many ways but just last week, she informed me that she would be doing something that she previously ensured me that she would not do until certain steps were first taken. I ensured that I would not participate and that involving our 9 y/o daughter differently than originally agreed upon would seriously upset me. Unfortuantely, I was told too bad so sad. She assured me that she would handle it like I would if I were there but why should I believe her? Oh yeah, the home therapy stopped after 6 or 7 months. She said that nothing good was coming of it.

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