What you say by what you do … and don’t do.

December 3, 2010

in Communication, Encouragement, YOU4HER

In  recent comment, cvonpete said he does a certain thing for his bride “Even if we are fighting over something…It’s my way of saying, I love you no matter what.”

I know doing nice things for our spouse can be difficult when we are upset with them; but I think it’s a brilliant way to show that the argument/disagreement/problem is temporary, while our love is NOT temporary.

If this is the case, then what does it communicate when we don’t do certain things when we are upset with our bride? Seems to me it suggests that our love is more about how we feel in the moment than a long-term commitment. I’m not saying it does mean that, but it could certainly come across that way.

What do you not do when there is tension between you and your bride? What might that be communicating to her?

1 comments
Rich
Rich

I found a blog about a woman who figured out why she and her husband were drifting apart. It was a mirror image of my marriage. I took her outlook on the problem and applied it to my situation. Basically, her husband was distancing himself from her because the daily rut of life became the norm, and they were bored with each other. He was mad because she was "fridgid". She discovered that she was fridgid because although she loved her husband, she didn't like to be around him...HE had to change. That was me. A few months ago, chose to react differently to an argument we had...a miscommunication, actually. She stormed off to bed with "I'm going to be before you insult me anymore." The normal response would have been silent tension for days on end. I decided to SHOW her that I love her, and that I was sorry for not choosing my words better (it was how I expressed my feelings, not the root of the matter, is what insulted her). I stayed up until 3 am on a Sunday night and took care of a whole bunch of things she's been wanting to get done around the house...well, I did as much as I could do without waking everyone up. The next day when I got home from work (yes, all on two hours of sleep), she was DISARMED. I couldn't believe it! Instead of not talking for 3 days, we talked about the miscommunication the previous night, kissed (well, pecked) and made up-the tension was GONE. I've been applying that do-instead-of-say mentality to everything I can, and it's working...slowly but surely, it's working. Bottom line is when she's mad at me, I go do something. It's not to kiss butt, it's to show her that I love her. (A note about that blog I mentioned: I am not linking to it, because it's not a Christian blog. There are some rough things there, including some foul language and some raunchy discussions. GH, if you want the URL, email me, I'll send it to you. It may inspire some great posts.)

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