Note – This has been an unfinished post sitting in my drafts folder for months. I am doing it now as it fits with some of the comments on my recent I don’t hate you, just what you do post.
I have seen men who don’t protect their bride when they should, which is wrong. However, I’ve also seen men who protect their wife in ways they should not, and that is just as wrong, and potentially very harmful to all involved. I’ve seen good Christina men (including men in leadership) who refuse to say anything to their wife who is clearly in sin, refuse to hear a word about her, and refuse to let anyone else speak to her. I’ve seen men get vicious and even violent “projecting” their wife from those who try to deal with them in a biblical manner over some sin or grievance. Sadly, I’ve also seen the long term results of this – lost of credibility, lost of ministry position, children falling away from the Lord, the wife leaving the Lord, adultery and, divorce.
The man who won’t confront his bride about clear sins has failed not only as a husband, but as a Christian brother. The man who attempts to “protect” his wife from the consequences of her sins is even more out of line. Those who defend sin are guilty of encouraging it, and those who ignore their wife’s sin will eventually be carried down with her.
A note to leaders: I know people attack your bride as a way to get at you, and I know jealousy, disappointment and anger causes people to do ugly things to you and your bride. However, protecting sin, your sin or her sin, is never right, and almost always ends badly. The best option is to deal with sin quickly before someone outside your marriage tries – the next best option is to react as you would if the person being accused were not your wife. Too many good men have lost the ability to do what God called them to do because they did not deal rightly with their bride or those who tried to being their bride godly correction.
Links to blog posts that stood out to me this last week:
Black and Married with Kids
Troubled Couple or Successful Couple?: This post asks an interesting question – and in my typical style I will answer “C, both of the above”. We can be helped by both those who have navigated the problems we face, and those who navigated around those troubles. Both have strengths and weaknesses, and both can miss things because of their experiences.
Do When I Say Vs. Do What I Say: If her time table seems too important to your bride, this might help. (If you can figure out how to get it to her so she can’t trace it back to you!)
Happily Married After
No Sleep, No Sex: GET MORE SLEEP!
Intimacy in Marriage
Enough With the Double Standards Regarding Oral Sex: Oral sex should be a two way street!
Laugh Your Way to a Better Marriage
Falling In and Out of Love: Love.Is.A.Choice.
Helping a Partner Heal from Loss or Trauma: A timely message as we come into a time of year when depression is more common.
Make Your Own Marriage Retreat for Two: While I don’t know the group mentioned in this post, I have seen research that shows that online help of this nature can be very good for a marriage when the couple are both serious about change. More information on the group in this post.
How to Have an Intimate, Stress-Free Holiday Season: If you do to much, and especially if you get guilted into doing too much, this guest post is for you.
One Flesh Marriage
Journey to the Space In-Between: As another who does not fit in either “camp”, wandering between the two, I appropriated what Brad had to see here about Eph 5:21-33. Good on you, Brad, for being unwilling to ignore the things that don’t feel good or easily fit.
The Romantic Vineyard