How much one, how much two?

January 9, 2011

in 1 + 1 = 1, Links to good stuff

The two become one © Florelena | Dreamstime.com

Recently I’ve seen some articles suggesting that being too dependent on each other is harmful to a marriage. However, the Bible talks about “the two becoming one” which would seem to mean there is no such thing as being too dependent.

If one person is more dependent than the other, that power imbalance certainly would be harmful. If one person is so “devoted” that they are blind to problems, that could also harmful.

It seems to me that “being one” works when both spouses are “all in”. If either is holding back, trying to be one is not going to work so well.

Are you all in? If not, why not? Are you afraid to commit fully for fear of getting hurt if it does not work out? Are you leaving your options open? Please believe me when I tell you that a marriage where both bride and groom are “all in” is an incredible thing. I also see it as what the Bible says God intended, and as such seems to me to be something He expects us to do.

What if you are all in, or are willing to be, but your bride is not? Maybe you can forward this to her with something like “I’m game, are you?”.

Links to blog posts that stood out to me this last week:

 

Black and Married with Kids

Two Husbands, One Fate: Where is Your Marriage Headed?: This is a MUST READ that might alter your marriage for the good.


Happily Married After

Things That I Would Not Tell My Spouse: I’m 100% with David on this. (And who would want a false bottom?!)
Gift Preparation for the Year: Very well done!


Intimacy in Marriage

5 Reasons “Faking It” Is Hurting Your Relationship: I have no idea how one would approach this with one’s bride, but the article is very well done.


Marriage Gems

Celebrate Each Day in Your Own Way: Nice!
Why is Personal Happiness Important to Marital Happiness?: A great post – if you or your bride are not happy, your marriage can’t be happy.


One Flesh Marriage

Reflections on the Mirror No More Baggage Sex in the Mirror: This series is a must read for any man who wants to have some vague understanding of how a woman’s self-image affects her marriage and her sex life.


The Romantic Vineyard

Energy Rightly Placed: This is Debi Walter at her best – may we all learn to see life more like she does!
Live Like You Were Dying: A nicely balanced post on this issue. Note – click the video, then follow the link to YouTube.


Simple Marriage

The Idea of Enoughness: At first blush this may seem to have nothing to do with marriage – but I think it actually has a lot to do with marriage.


Your Marriage Restored

Resolutions for Romance: Some great ideas on making changes in your marriage.

1 comments
Bob Beauchamp
Bob Beauchamp

I believe that there can be such a thing as "too dependent" on the other spouse. We are to be "one flesh" for sure but we are never to "pull" from our spouse for our needs. We are to meet our spouse's needs and depend on the Lord for our own needs. We are to sow "need meeting" into our spouse so much that eventually we reap a harvest of having our own needs met. When BOTH spouses are doing this (the "all-in" as you called it) then it is truly an incredible thing (as designed by God...by default it's incredible!). I'm not saying we shouldn't communicate our needs to our spouse...there is definitely communication that's supposed to be going on in a marriage. Once we learn what the other needs we should rush to meet that need as often as it is required by the other (I'm sure that sounds as though it has a sexual undertone to it but I mean all areas). As we push to meet the needs of our spouse while depending on God to meet our needs, He becomes the center of the marriage and the "three-fold-cord is not easily broken." B

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