I’m here to serve God! (And have an affair.)

February 20, 2011

in Links to good stuff, Shared walk

Feed the children © Djembe | Dreamstime.com

I recently had an e-mail from a man whose bride had an affair while on a mission trip. The counsellor that is helping them put their marriage back together commented that this is increasingly common in churches. Sadly, this is the case. One spouse goes, and one stays, and the one who goes has a physical affair, or an emotional affair, or tries to have an affair and is rebuffed, or has someone make advances on them. I’ve also seen individuals who return from a mission trip feeling distant from, or disgusted with their spouse.

I think in part this happens became some people use a mission trip as a way to find excitement, to open new parts of themselves, to escape from things they don’t like, or for other reasons that are not the reasons someone should be doing mission work. Even when the reasons for the trip are right and good, a man or woman at risk for an affair is putting himself or herself in a very dangerous position.

How do you avoid this risk? The best option is to do mission trips as a couple – or as a family. This protects you, and it makes the trip a way to build your marriage. The next best option is to go as a part of a church group so you are surrounded with people who know you. Going alone, surrounded by people you don’t know, is asking for problems.

Image Credit: © Djembe | Dreamstime.com

Links to blog posts that stood out to me this last week:

New Blog this week: Couple Things Blog is fairly new, and so far low volume, but it has some good post – hope to see more from Rowan & Mara Fraser.

 

Black and Married with Kids

On Why He (or She) Doesn’t Listen: A great MUST READ article on communication – or what passes for it – in marriage.


Couple Things Blog

Inside Her Head: The question she needs you to answer – frequently.


Engaged Marriage

Relationship 911: The First Step That Resuscitated My Marriage: Great guest post from someone who’s marriage cam back from the brink.


Journey to Surrender

Of All Days…: “Disappointment Leaves You With a Choice“


Marriage Gems

Battling Debt for Better Marriage: A timely and well done guest post.
Is Your Relationship Better than Your Friends’ Relationships?: Why comparing is a bad plan.
Can Excessive Work Outs Give Your Marriage a Beating?: “…a recent article about excessive exercising reminded me that just because something is good for you does not mean more of it is better for you.”


One Flesh Marriage

The Energy of I Am!: This is how a Godly man reacts to positive changes in his bride.


The Romantic Vineyard

10 Hindrances To Cultivating A Romantic Vineyard #5 – Wrong Motives : What are your motives for having a good marriage?

4 comments
husbands affair
husbands affair

I have seen lot of people building up resentment on the husband because of the affair. This is hard to overcome if ignored. Deal with our own emotions is really important. Knowing the root cause that pushed him to have the affair has to be known. That will give a better understanding of the situation. Thanks, Victoria. [Read my latest post on get over affair]

The Generous Husband
The Generous Husband

@John Delcamp - I agree completely! Why would God, who calls us one, move us in different directions to serve Him? A similar problem is when one spouse drags the other along saying "I am called, so you are too." Maybe it's better to check and make sure that you really are called.

John Delcamp
John Delcamp

The problem we have in churches today which makes this situation all to common is that husband and wives and families don;t minister together. The wife does her thing, the husband does his thing which results in temptations. The destruction does not only come to the marriage relationship but also to the whole family because the children are robbed of being taught and mentored on proper bahavior in ministry as well as the practical "how to do ministry." God calls families into ministry, he does not call individuals of a family. He does call individuals who are single, but when the person is married, the call is to the whole family. I see so many men who are called to ministry, both full time and lay ministry, who are either unable to minister, unable to minister effectively, or unable to reach their potiental in ministry because their wife and their children are not being involved in the ministry the man had been called to. Sometimes this is the man's fault for not including them, sometimes this is the wife's fault for refusing to be involved, and sometimes it is both of their fault because they don;t have their children under control so that the children can be involved without interrupting ministry. It does not matter the age of the children - involve them. Husbands be in minsitry with your wives and wives be in ministry with your husbands. You avoid the temptations of "singleness" when you are in ministry.

John Delcamp
John Delcamp

I agree. The other situation maybe that you are called but because of the decision you made to marry a person who was not called or was rebellious to the call is that you must live with the consequences of your decision and your abiblity at least be hindered. That does not mean you have a biblical right to divorce the person, it means you must live with the consequence of the decision you made to marry a person where you were not "equally yoked" rather than waiting for God to bring a person into your life that was called. Because we teach forgiveness and grace which is all very, very true, we forget that love and justice is allowing us to deal with the physically consequences of our decisions, whether they be decisions that please God or decisions that plase us. We must learn to accept forgiveness and grace, and be willing to also accept the consequences of our actions. When we do, we see the completeness of God's love - from mercy and forgiveness to pure justice, all of which we receive because of His grace - which by the way is sufficient for whatever situation we find ourselves in.

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