Do you ever want to hurt her?

March 6, 2011

in Good Marriage, Links to good stuff

Feeling hurtful © Dimaberkut | Dreamstime.com

Do you ever want to hurt your bride? I don’t mean physically, but rather emotionally, with your words. When couples fight, they often say things just to hurt each other. They may not mean what they say but their intention is to hurt the other person. Sometimes this is defensive, because we feel hurt or challenged and don’t know how to respond. Other times we do it to win – to get her to stop, to prove we are right and she is wrong. Sometimes it’s as simple as retaliation – she has hurt us, so we want to hurt her in return.

All of this is human nature; I’m not excusing it, but I don’t want to judge to harshly either. No doubt, we all feel bad about doing these things – later. What matters is how we deal with what we have done. Do we apologise – a real apology that does not include any mention of “what she did” to prompt our choosing to hurt her? Beyond that, are we doing this less now than in the past, and are we continuing to fight the urge to lash out. Are we improving fast enough to matter?

I use “we” above because I still struggle with this. I have come to the place of usually being able to stop before I do something to hurt her, or catching it as I do it and immediately dealing with it. Nevertheless, I still struggle with it, I still feel it at times, and I hate that about myself.

Take a moment to be honest with yourself – how are you doing on this? Have you intentionally hurt her in the last week? Have you been tempted to hurt her in the last month? Can you honestly say you are constantly improving in this area?

So husbands ought to love their own wives as their own bodies; he who loves his wife loves himself. For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it…” [Eph 5:28&29a NKJV]

Image Credit: © Dimaberkut | Dreamstime.com

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