How long should it take a woman to climax?

March 12, 2011

in Her Needs, Sexuality

Timing sex © Rita Sobczyk |

My bride regularly hears from women frustrated with a husband who expects her to reach climax as quickly as he does – or even worse, a woman who wants to know what’s wrong with her for “taking so long”. When guys ask about how long it “should take” for a woman to reach climax, what most mean is, “Why does it take her so long?” or “What’s wrong with her?”

How long does it take women to get to orgasm? Some women can, sometimes, go from fully dressed to fully satisfied in five minutes. Some women rarely get there in less than an hour. These are the extremes, and both are rare. Most women who climax during intercourse need ten to twenty minutes of penetration AFTER good foreplay. Some are faster, some take longer. Orgasm by other methods usually takes less time, but not significantly. So, including foreplay, if you can get her there in twenty minutes consider her on the quick side of normal. Half an hour is more common, and longer is hardly rare.

Why does it take women longer to climax than it takes guys? It’s not because men are bad lovers. Studies on solo masturbation show it takes woman about three times as long to reach climax as it takes men. For whatever reason, women’s bodies just don’t react as quickly. It’s how God made her, so accept it and figure out how to work with it. (BTW, my guess is God made women “slower” to help us slow down and learn to enjoy the journey as much as the destination. There is so much more to enjoy than those few seconds of pleasure “at the end”.)

So, there is nothing wrong with her, and you’re not a bad lover – now what? Can you do anything to help her climax a bit more quickly? Yes – and you can also do things that will cause it to take a lot more time.

  • Time stress is a real problem. If she thinks it’s taking too long, that will make it take even longer. You can make this better or worse by what you say and how you react. She needs to know her climax is important to you – that you don’t feel satisfied until she’s satisfied. Let her know you’re happy to give her all the time she needs.
  • Rushing can result in a faster but less pleasurable climax. A couple more minutes can make a huge difference. Let her know you understand this, and you see quality as more important than speed. In addition to letting her enjoy more, this further reduces her time stress.
  • Let her guide you on how long foreplay lasts. Both too little and too much can slow her getting to climax.
  • If you’re trying for climax during intercourse, her being on top can greatly improve things as it allows her to move and get what she likes and needs.
  • Enjoy yourself, and make sure she knows you’re enjoying yourself. This is a real turn on, and it helps her relax.
  • Asking her about her progress will only make her aware of the time and slow things down. If you must ask her about this ask what she wants rather than anything that sounds like “Are we there yet?”
  • For women climax requires feeling safe, relaxed, and not at all distracted. You can do a great deal to help her with these things:
    • Let her unwind before you start any hint of foreplay. Five minutes of talk before sex can cut ten minutes off the amount of foreplay she needs.
    • Relax her body with a bit of massage where she’s stiff or sore.
    • Make sure you have privacy – no chance of someone walking in, no fear of someone hearing.
    • If there’s a phone where it could be heard, it needs to be totally silent. Just hearing it vibrate can be a problem.
    • Make sure she’s comfortable – good position, warm or cool enough. 
    • Be clean – she’s more sensitive to odours, and they can distract her.
    • Trying to carry on a conversation is going to distract her. Don’t say much, and try to say things that don’t indicate you expect a response. If you need to ask her something, try to word it so she can answer with a single word.

Image Credit: © Rita Sobczyk |
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If you can't hold back your finale, because she need more time and work. More than likely it is due to two reasons. Infrequency or a stamina issue. Solution to problem #1, stop thinking about what you want and what you want to do. Focus on what she wants and wants to do. Most importantly stop talking and listen. This will make her want to make love a lot more which will give you more practice and help desensitize you for the job. Solution to problem #2, get In shape you fat lazy couch potato. When you have a strong body and cardiovascular endurance this task will become effortless. Besides you will feel better.


I am 38 year's old and have been married to a beautiful, loving,loyal, and sex women! I can agree with everything suggested for this issue, save one. Because men and women operate differently were the metal meets the meet. For a husband or male significant to be successful in pleasing their Gift from God ( wife/comforter) they must be humble open. Also if we let our engine , which tries to run a drag race. Stop carrying the stress of your ego and tell her that you need, respect, and value her in your life. That you are afraid you will lose her if you fall short in sexually gratifdo that and she truly internalizing

Phil Evans
Phil Evans

Just a couple of thoughts which struck me on this: 1) I think when the focus of sex becomes the orgasm (and especially where you're thinking things like "Hurry up!") the sex is nowhere near as good as when the focus is on enjoying each other, and orgasm is a spin-off (if it happens at all). 2) There is some evidence that the act of female orgasm helps to draw sperm towards the cervix (according to the BBC Health website). This could be why men climax more quickly (i.e. so the sperm is there to draw up). For people trying for a baby maybe they should be encouraged to enjoy the "time delay" allowing the husband to climax first and then enjoy reciprocating.


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