How long should it take a woman to climax?

March 12, 2011

in Her Needs, Sexuality

Timing sex © Rita Sobczyk |

My bride regularly hears from women frustrated with a husband who expects her to reach climax as quickly as he does – or even worse, a woman who wants to know what’s wrong with her for “taking so long”. When guys ask about how long it “should take” for a woman to reach climax, what is often meant is “Why does it take her so long?” or “What is wrong with her?”

How long does it take women to get to orgasm? Some women can, sometimes, go from fully dressed to fully satisfied in five minutes. Some women rarely get there in less than an hour. These are the extremes, and both are rare. For women who climax during intercourse, most need ten to twenty minutes of penetration AFTER good foreplay. Some are a bit faster, some take longer. Orgasm by other methods usually takes less time, but not significantly. So, including foreplay, if you can get her there in twenty minutes, consider her on the quick side of normal. Half an hour is more common, and longer is hardly rare.

Why does it take women longer to climax than it takes guys? It’s not because men are bad lovers. Studies on solo masturbation show that it takes woman about three times as long to reach climax as it takes men; for whatever reason, women’s bodies just don’t react as quickly. It’s how God made her, so accept it and figure out how to work with it. (BTW, my guess is God made women “slower” to help us slow down and learn to enjoy the journey as much as the destination.)

So, there is nothing wrong with her, and you’re not a bad lover – now what? Can you do anything to help her climax a bit more quickly? Yes – and you can also do things that will cause it to take a lot more time.

  • Time stress is a real problem. If she thinks it’s taking too long, that will make it take even longer. You can make this better or worse by what you say and how you react. She needs to know that her climax is important to you – that you don’t feel satisfied until she is satisfied. Let her know you are happy to give her all the time she needs.
  • Rushing can result in a faster but less pleasurable climax. A couple more minutes can make a huge difference. Let her know you understand this, and that you see quality as more important than speed. In addition to letting her enjoy more, this further reduces her time stress.
  • Let her guide you as to how long foreplay lasts. Both too little and too much can slow her time to climax.
  • If you are trying for climax during intercourse, her being on top can greatly improve things as it allows her to move and get what she likes.
  • Enjoy yourself, and make sure she knows you are enjoying yourself. This is a real turn on, and it helps her relax.
  • Asking her about her progress will only make her aware of the time and slow things down. If you must ask her about this ask what she wants rather than anything that sounds like “Are we there yet?”
  • For women climax requires feeling safe, relaxed, and not distracted. You can do a great deal to help her with these things:
    • Let her unwind before you start any foreplay. Five minutes of talk before sex can cut ten minutes off the amount of foreplay she needs.
    • Relax her body with a bit of massage of parts that are stiff or sore.
    • Make sure you have privacy – no chance of someone walking in, no fear of someone hearing.
    • If there is a phone where it could be heard, it needs to be totally silent. Just hearing it vibrate can be a problem.
    • Make sure she is comfortable – good position, warm or cool enough. 
    • Be clean – she is more sensitive to odours, and they can distract her.
    • Trying to carry on a conversation is going to distract her. Don’t say a great deal, and try to say things that don’t indicate you expect a response. If you need to ask her something, try to word it so she can answer with a single word.

Image Credit: © Rita Sobczyk |

Phil Evans
Phil Evans

Just a couple of thoughts which struck me on this: 1) I think when the focus of sex becomes the orgasm (and especially where you're thinking things like "Hurry up!") the sex is nowhere near as good as when the focus is on enjoying each other, and orgasm is a spin-off (if it happens at all). 2) There is some evidence that the act of female orgasm helps to draw sperm towards the cervix (according to the BBC Health website). This could be why men climax more quickly (i.e. so the sperm is there to draw up). For people trying for a baby maybe they should be encouraged to enjoy the "time delay" allowing the husband to climax first and then enjoy reciprocating.

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