7 itch, 3 glitch?

March 15, 2011

in Marriage Killer

Kill that itch © Caraman | Dreamstime.com

I’ve seen a lot of tweets and articles on a story entitled The seven-year itch is now the three-year glitch, so I chased down the original (see link). Let me start with a couple of things that make this “study” of limited use. First, the study was commissioned by Warner Brothers to promote the UK release of “Hall Pass” a comedy film. I could find no information on who did this “study” or what (if any) demographics were done. Second, those polled were either married or in a relationship – with no breakdown of how many were in each category. The “story” is in how those in a relationship for less than three years answered the poll as compared to those in a relationship for more than three years.

Clearly I am not impressed with this story. What really gets me is I expect to see it become folk wisdom that will be confused as something backed by good studies. However, setting all that aside…

The nuts and bolts of the story are the ten things that longer term couples say go from “small irritations which are seemingly harmless and often endearing” to “major irritations around 36 months.” Frankly, I don’t see how some of the things on their list would ever be “endearing”. I also suspect some of these are not moving from little to major as much as going from non-existent or uncommon to frequent. In other words, folks start to take each other for granted and stop being as loving and caring as they were early in their marriage (or relationship).

My suggestion is to talk with your bride about this. Ask her if there are things that have become annoying, or if any annoying behaviour have emerged or become more common.

Image Credit: © Caraman | Dreamstime.com

2 comments
Andy
Andy

While I do not like the contents of the report I do agree that some of the points raised are valid and have found that often what attracts one to a partner initially is also that which can drive a wedge between partners over time. I also agree with Bob that work and responsibility are very unpopular particularly in marriage. I think that this is for a number of reasons: Ignorance; Many people are under the illusion that relationships are self sustaining, love as a feeling is sufficient. This is simply not true, they take constant tending and care in order to flourish. Given this, they have no idea how to sustain a relationship. Priority; Jesus said that where your treasure is, there your heart will be also. Emergencies excluded, as soon as our relationships become less of a priority, so our willingness to invest in them becomes less of a priority and the results become all to clear. Performance / peer pressure; Many people try to conduct their relationships as if they are performance based and not grace based, so continually compare their partner's performance with others(friends, previous lovers etc.) and as soon as they think they are getting the short end of the stick so to speak, they start looking for another partner or other options outside of the relationship. While it is important to review our relationship status, let us not compare them to other relationships but to God's word and if we are honest enough, will find that the finger of blame usually points squarely at us and not our spouses. One illustration I have found useful is that of a relationship being likened to a joint bank account. As long as both are depositing, the balance grows, as soon as one or both start withdrawing, the balance starts falling. When the account is empty and beyond then bankruptcy follows. Deposits are time, affection, kindness, etc. Commitment or rather lack thereof; This is like faith or hope. When the feelings aren't there then we remember our vows, remain committed and seek those things which will restore the relationship. Sadly this is missing in many modern relationships with people never making a formal declaration of their commitment and therefore no obligation to uphold it. I just want to thank the author of this blog for the excellent way in which Godly principles are transformed into actions for direct application in our relationships and can testify to their efficacy.

Bob Beauchamp
Bob Beauchamp

People look for excuses to absolve themselves of responsibility. They had to wait seven years before so, if this catches on as folk-wisdom, it will only be due to people's laziness and willingness to yield to their flesh. In order to NOT yield to the flesh takes a willingness to yield to the Holy Spirit. That requires responsibility and work which is not very popular these days. If the church would do a better job of explaining the benefits of that and DEMONSTRATING that fact (yes...it's a fact) the rest of the world would take notice and want it too.

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