Encourage your bride to self-sooth

March 17, 2011

in Seeing Clearly, Understanding Her

Relaxing bath © Sean Nel | Dreamstime.com

Yesterday I suggested you learn to self-sooth. Today I want to encourage you to encourage your bride to do the same.

Based on studies that show women tend to be more stressed, have higher rates of alcohol abuse, and more depression, I think one can make the case women need self-soothing even more than men do. This is especially true for women with pre-school children (no matter how much kid care you do, she is wired to be more aware and more concerned than you are.)

One good way to help your bride learn to self-sooth is to model the behaviour. Start doing soothing things for yourself, and occasionally ask her to join you. Ask her about what she finds soothing, and encourage her in those things. Then give her the space and time to self-sooth (it’s often not self-soothing if you do it as a couple). If you have kids at home, take charge of them so she can have uninterrupted time (the younger your kids are, the more effort this will take – you may need to do something with them to ensure they don’t chase mom down and interrupt her).

Don’t see her self-soothing time as time you don’t get with her. By taking some time to relax, she will be more with you when you are together, and she will be more into being with you (yes, in that way too.)

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