How little can I get by with?

March 28, 2011

in Good Marriage, Her Needs

Seth’s post “How much can I get away with?” made me think of that human tendency to do as little as we must to “get by”. While I doubt many are doing it consciously, I think many of us have calculated the minimum we have to do to “get by” with our bride. Some guys do nothing more than that. Some do 10% or 25% more and think they are going above and beyond. Some fall back to that minimum, or some small bit above that minimum, when life gets difficult/busy/stressful. (The last of those is the one of which I have been most guilty.)

How little ... © Nndemidchick | Dreamstime.com

Setting aside the reality that we should love her enough to go WAY beyond the minimum, there are logical fallacies in this behaviour.

  • What we do, and don’t do, is measured in both the short-term and the long-term. The minimum we can get by with in any day is not the amount we can get by with day in and day out. If you keep doing just the minimum, you are okay each day, but you are building up a backlog of “not enough” for the week, month, and year.
  • Even if you stay ahead of the build up of not enough, what if you hit a prolonged difficult/busy/stressful time in your life? You have been “just getting by” so you have no reserves, and now you can’t even do the bare minimum for a time.
  • What if you face a crisis: death of a family member, long-term illness or disease (you, your bride, or one of the kids), or prolonged unemployment? In these situations, couples who have been getting by on “just enough” have very high divorce rates. Those who have been doing far more than the minimum have much better chances of their marriage surviving, and maybe even coming out better than when they started the crisis.

Image Credit: © Nndemidchick | Dreamstime.com

2 comments
The Generous Husband
The Generous Husband

@John Delcamp - I do see a similarity, but I would put it the other way. Jesus said that if we don't lover our brother, who we have seen, we can't love God, who we have not seen. If I am trying to "just get by" with my bride, then I am probably doing the same, or worse, with God.

John Delcamp
John Delcamp

Don't you think that our relationship with our spouse is a reflection of our relationship with God? If then we only love God with as little as we think we can get by with, we will have the same tendency with our spouse and probably our jobs, etc. But if we love God with ALL as Jesus told us to, then loving and doing for our spouses 100% would come very natural.

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