“The number one predictor of divorce is the habitual avoidance of conflict.“
Does that sound strange? It is the conclusion of Diane Sollee, founder and director of Smart Marriages. I would agree avoiding conflict is a good way to harm any relationship, and especially a marriage.
No one likes conflict, but the only way to keep conflict from hurting your marriage is to deal with it. Dealing with it nicely is best, but studies have found even yelling is better than not talking. In the end, what matters is that both husband and wife feel heard. Finding a “solution” is good, but if both feel they have been heard the marriage is made far more secure than if either feels unheard.
If you are a conflict avoider, please realise you are putting a gun to your marriage when you avoid conflict. If your bride is the conflict avoider, share this with her, and ask her what you can do to encourage her to deal with conflict. (Lowering your voice and letting her talk uninterrupted are absolute musts.)