My recent Divorce up because women can afford to? post has resulted in some heated comments. Apparently some have taken my words as trying to blame men for divorces – or for most divorces, or all divorces. I can understand how “You might have prevented that” can seem to be “It’s your fault” – but that is neither what I think nor what I am saying.
Frankly blame, especially after the fact, is pretty useless in my mind. My desire is not to blame, but to show men that they have the power to make changes in their marriages. If a woman leaves her husband, and it is “her fault” does that really make things any better for anyone? On the other hand, if a man does something that prevents a divorce that would have been “her fault” isn’t that a very good thing? It seems to me that most (not all, but most) divorces could have been prevented if EITHER the husband or the wife had made certain changes.
This is the real message I want to share – that even when it’s not “your fault” you may be able to stop something bad from happening in your marriage. Part of doing that is becoming aware of your bride, and of things that can indicate she is unhappy. Yes, it would be nice if she just speak up, and if she has not tried (as opposed to she has tried repeatedly and you did not listen) that is her error. Would you like to know how to spot that error and deal with it before it ends your marriage? I would. Does not knowing how to spot it make it your fault? No, it does not.
Bottom line: The more you know, the better you can keep your marriage strong and happy. The less you know, the more likely it is you will have a rude surprise.
Image Credit: Knowledge is power © Alexmillos | Dreamstime.com
Links to blog posts that stood out to me this last week:
New blog this week: The Long, Hot Marriage. I’ve been following Todd Creager on Twitter for a few weeks (@toddcreager), and have been very impressed with what he has to say.
Diffusing the Fight – Before it Begins: Great idea, give it a try.
Black and Married with Kids
What Baggage Did You Bring Into Your Marriage?: “Unfortunately, there are quite a few of us who still struggle to be happy with our spouses because of our own ‘stuff.’” So true!
Getting To Better Communication: Excelent!
Divorce Busting Blog
Why You Haven’t Seen Change in Your Marriage (and What You Can Do to Fix It) pt. 1: This is very good, and halfway down you will find links to various techniques for bringing about change with your spouse.
God Centered Marriage
The World Is Watching.: Yes, you can promote better marriages without saying a word.
Journey to Surrender
What You Don’t Know Can Hurt You!: This fits nicely with my post above.
Laugh Your Way to a Better Marriage
Hugs=Happier Marriage: No doubt about it – all other things being equal, more touch means a better marriage.
The Long, Hot Marriage
What REALLY Makes a Happy Couple?: Work towards these things, and watch your marriage grow.
One Flesh Marriage
One Flesh Marriage is running 5 Bloggers 5 Questions: Intimacy In Marriage – with five marriage bloggers answering five questions about intimacy.
Scott Means from Journey to Surrender
Rowan & Mara from CoupleThings Blog
Paul Byerly from The Generous Husband (yeah, me)
Lori “My Wonderful Bride” Byerly of Generous Wife fame
Romantic Act of the Day
The Romantic Vineyard
Mark Your Calendar: I don’t usually link to this because the dates have come and gone by the time I get to my weekly round-up. So be aware that the weekly Mark Your Calendar feature gives some fun lesser know holidays for you to celebrate. Great resource.
Water Into Wine – Proverbs 1: “Is your marriage in need of wisdom?”
Happy Hour: Another blog round-up, with some blogs I don’t follow.
3 Reasons to Beware of Porn: I agree on all three points.
What’s your sexual potential? Or moving beyond sex as leftovers.: An excellent article. No matter how good of bad it is, your sex life could be much better.