This is very necessary follow up on my Permission granted to have a great marriage post. In the case of sex, it is very much permission or approval that is need by some men and many women.
Too often efforts to keep teens from having sex have come down to either saying “NO, NO, NO” to sex, or “Sex is bad” or “Nice girls/people don’t do that” or some other negative message. Other messages that get pushed on people:
- Sex is only, or primarily, for men.
- Sex quickly gets boring.
- Women will stop wanting sex after marriage, or after the first baby.
- Sex is only for the young.
- Sex is overrated.
- Sex is base and animal; spiritual (or intelligent) people don’t have such urges, or at least learn to control them.
- Good sex requires a great body, be that appearance, athletic ability, or both.
- The longer a couple is together, the less they are sexually interested in each other.
- Sex is all about pleasure and as such is selfish.
- Only a few “lucky’ people have great sex lives, and if you don’t have it now, you can’t ever have it.
- Great sex comes naturally, so it you don’t have it, you don’t have what it takes.
- If you have to work at it, something is wrong.
- Men are sexually selfish and need to learn to control themselves to show real love.
I could go on, but the point is clear – we enter marriage with the expectation that sex is not going to be as great as we want it to be, or that we should not want it “too much” or that enjoying it “too much” or “too often” is wrong. While women are more likely to buy into this, and to buy in more deeply, the reality is that a lot of men buy into these lies as well.
One more – did you know that the majority of men think they have a “high sex drive”? Not just higher than their wife, but higher than the average man. The hidden message in that belief is that they are abnormal, and that what they want sexually is a burden to their bride. Thing is, the majority can’t be above average! A lot of the guys who think this way have normal and even lower than average drives; and very few are as far right on the bell curve as they think they are.
So here is it – your permission to have great sex. It’s not evil, dirty, bad or selfish. In reality, God created it and designed us so that we would strongly desire and greatly enjoy sex. God created us so that sex is beneficial to our bodies, our minds, and especially to our marriages.
Image Credit: © Paul H. Byerly