The desire to be known and loved for who we are

May 11, 2011

in 1 + 1 = 1

My bride knows me better than anyone else does, or ever will. She knows all my quirks, eccentricities, likes, dislikes, hopes, fears, dreams, and on and on. She knows all these things, and yet she loves me! She knows not just the best about me, but also the worse about me, and she still accepts me and loves me. It’s the most fantastic feeling, and one of the greatest gifts any person can give to another.

Of course, it’s taken years to get to this point. For a long time I feared there were bits of me that she could not accept, much less love. Out of self-protection I moved slowly, only gradually revealing my deepest self and my most hidden part. That way, if I went too far, I would only have given her a tiny bit she did not like. Was that a lack of trust in her? It is certainly human nature, and many would say it was wisdom.

My point here is that couples can reach a place of deep knowing, and it is a wonderful place to be. I think we all have a desire to be fully known, and loved not in spite of who we are, but for who we are – warts and all. Yes, you will have to risk; but most great things require taking risks. Start small. Go slow. Be sure to offer her the love and acceptance you want; show her how it’s done.

Image Credit: © Paul H. Byerly

4 comments
NathanaelNeuenschwander
NathanaelNeuenschwander

A suggested resource for this process of building emotional intimacy is The Discovery Game for Married Couples.

Julie Sibert
Julie Sibert

Thanks for keeping it real Paul! It is the most tender and profound experience to genuinely be known... and to think so many marriages never get to this depth. Saddens me. Anyway, you conveyed it beautifully!

Lesli Doares
Lesli Doares

Simple and to the point but, as you know, not easily accomplished. One has to be willing to risk rejection from someone you really love. This takes emotional maturity and the knowledge you will be okay if it happens. It is the greatest gift to give and receive but it takes courage to be vulnerable. In the end though it is worth it.

Louise
Louise

How Sweet!!!... Now I can grasp how knowing everything (warts and all) about your spouse permits the capacity for the most deeply rooted loving marriage.

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