Are you getting your 12-15 hours a week?

May 30, 2011

in Her Needs, Intimacy, Links to good stuff, Quality Time

Make time for love © Dan Ionut Popescu | Dreamstime.com

Saw this tweet from @loveconscious today:

“Researchers like John Gottman tell us that successful couples spend a minimum of 12-15 hours non-sleep, non TV time together.”

I have a great deal of respect for John Gottman and his observation-based information on marriage, so I tend to think there is some validity in this statement. As I have said more than once, quality time comes about within quantity time. A deep relationship takes a lot of time to build, a lot of time to maintain, and a lot of time is required to keep a relationship growing. If you are not devoting the necessary time, your relationship is not what it could be.

Additionally, please note that most women only feel sexual when they feel connected. If you are not spending enough time with her, it is adversely affecting your sex life. If it’s not already limiting your sex life, it will. I’m not saying more time together will cause a sudden improvement in sex, but for most of you it would result in an improvement over time. On the other hand, a lack of time together will cause your sex life to get worse, over time. At the very least you can slow or stop the deterioration of your sex life.

How much non-TV, waking, time did you and your bride share last week? How is it looking for this week? If you’re not even close to the suggested 12-15 hours, what would it take to make that happen? What would you have to change, give up, or get under control? Is it worth it to you? I she worth it to you?

Image Credit: © Dan Ionut Popescu | Dreamstime.com

8 comments
meglettx
meglettx

I know this is an old post but I have to say I feel like the more spread out your time is together the more you need.  12-15 hours doesn't sound like enough to me but right now my husband is having to work 4-5 days a week out of town and we are only together on the weekends, so as a quality time person I'm desperate to soak up every second he has at home.  I'm trying to learn to balance this out without completely smothering him when he is here.  :P

Stone Wall
Stone Wall

Bill, did you have read The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman? May be you and your wife speak different languages? You may read this book and try to explain that your language is Time (if really). But but just watch TV - its not enough for you...

Bill K
Bill K

Hi Paul and all, This sounds great though we are nowhere close! Between work, a side business, the kids, and our leadership role in a marriage ministry, we're pretty much burnt by the time the kids are in bed. I am pretty proactive during the day but at this time in the evening, I'm spent. My wife enjoys watching tv and says she considers it as time together. I don't at all but I usually just give in. On the rare occasion that I do have the energy left to persuade her to turn it off, its a real struggle. She has shared that she is also spent and would like to just zone out for a while because it helps her sleep. Any thoughts? Thanks, Bill

uk Fred
uk Fred

How many times have relationships, OK not really close relationships, but more than just acquaintances, been lost because the two people do not spend any time together. I think that some of the problems that I have in my own marriage were due to my working constant late shifts when I first married and DW and I did not really start off forming the relationship we really needed to create. Recently, I have cut my hours at work and it has been noticeable that our relationship has improved, on the trend though not every day, becase we have been able to take time to build the relationship again. LLike so many other great discoveries, it seems to be a matter of why did I not think of that years ago.

The Generous Husband
The Generous Husband

@Stone Wall - Liked your site - or at least as much as Google translate let me read. Keep at it!

Doug
Doug

Quality time is an accident that happens during quantity time.

Stone Wall
Stone Wall

Yes, it is useful information for thought

TheGenerousHusband
TheGenerousHusband moderator

@meglettx I think you are right - the length of times is a factor. Two dozen half hours is 12 hours, but not the same as two times of six hours each. 

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