Are you making it difficult for your bride to tell you things?

June 2, 2011

in Communication, Intimacy

Verbal abuse © Robodread | Dreamstime.com

Yesterday I said most women have a deep need to share with their husbands – to know and to be known. This means they want to know all about him, and what he is doing – and want him to know all about her and what she is doing. Why then do some women seem to “keep secrets” – or at the very least don’t share significant things going on in their lives and their minds? Sometimes the reason for this is that they know it won’t go well. Some women have learned that what they say can and will be used against them. Or, they will be criticised, told how they failed, how they missed the point, how stupid they are, and so on. Sometimes it’s not openly negative, but there’s still a distinct edge of disapproval. Another problem is badgering for minor details, or saying things like “are you sure” or “really?” that make it seem he does not fully trust her, or does not think she is able to recall things correctly.

Whatever the cause, some women stop sharing because it’s just not worth the hassle. Some will argue that she should share things because it’s right, no matter how he responds. I would agree with that, but his behaviour is unwise, unloving, and wrong.

Follow Up: On my Monday post I failed to give a time unit for the 12-15 hours successful couples spend together not including TV watching and sleeping. That would be per week.

Also: Thanks to those of you who made donations after my mentioning it yesterday. It is deeply appropriated, and it makes our life a bit easier.

Image Credit: © Robodread | Dreamstime.com

1 comments
Joyfulmomsie
Joyfulmomsie

Thank you. Here's a good example: your wife shares with you her frustration at the scale not budging despite the healthy diet and exercise plan she's been following. It's helpful to say something along the lines of "you look good to me, honey." That would make her think that maybe all her hard work is doing *something*. It's not helpful to say "have you tried this? Well, what about this? Maybe if you..." That might make her think that nothing she does is ever good enough and then she'd be more likely to give up.

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