There are a great many things in life, and in marriage, that can be done a number of ways with no way inherently better than the others. A good example of this is which way the toilet paper is hung. I can give you both benefits and problems with both ways, and while most of us prefer one to the other, the fact is it’s JUST A PREFERENCE.
However, some folks try to make their preferences “better” than any other preference for the same thing. Often this is done to try and get their way – if their way is better, their spouse should do it their way because it’s better. To me, this seems unfair and manipulative. State your preferences, let your bride do the same, then work out how to do things as adults. Another thing – please don’t expect her to do some task AND do it the way you like it done. If you care that much, do it yourself.
There are places where one person’s preference should be honoured. As an example, say your family always talks quietly and calmly, while her family often talks loudly and excitedly. When she talks this way, you feel she is yelling at you. It is NOT fair to tell her she is yelling at you; while you honestly feel she is, she honestly feels she is not. Your perception is no more valid than hers is. However, she needs to understand how it affects you when you feel she is yelling at you. She needs to accept that her volume is a problem for you, and in this case, she needs to work to change because of the way the action makes you feel. Reverse the genders, and you need to change. If how one of you does things hurts the other, if your preference causes your spouse a problem, then love and decency require change. However, don’t claim harm just to get your way.