Controlling how others affect you is all or nothing.

July 13, 2011

in Good Marriage, Her Needs, Series

Man in protective suit © 3drenderings |

I will not allow you to hurt me.


Ever heard it said others can only hurt you if you allow them to? Personally, I’ve never bought into that. Given what the Bible has to say about guarding our words and the danger of harming others with words, I don’t think God buys it either. However, for the sake of argument, let’s say it is really possible to be so closed and in control that no one can hurt you with their words, actions, rudeness, neglect, and so on. The level of self-defence necessary for that would mean those who can’t hurt you also can’t make you feel good. I see no way you could eliminate the bad and leave an opening for the good.

Opening yourself to someone means giving them the power both to bless and harm you. If you want the good, you have to risk the bad. If you try to avoid the bad, you will avoid the good more surely than you will avoid the bad. Trying to protect yourself from being hurt by your bride makes you closed to her. She can’t bless you and make you feel good, and aside from cheating you out of part of what God intends, you are denying her the chance to love you. (We all need to give, to make someone else feel good.)

If you have been hurt in the past by someone you loved, there may be a temptation is to protect yourself from your bride. If you have been hurt in the past by your bride, the temptation to protect yourself will be going to be powerful. Be wise; open up carefully, but do open up. If you remain closed either you won’t stay married, or you will stay in a miserable marriage.

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  1. […] far.  Here are the titles to each: Would You Rather Be Unhappy and in Control, Control And Safety, Controlling How Others Affect You Is All Or Nothing, Over Controlling To Make Up For Where You Have No Control, Control Is Often An Illusion. The […]

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