One way to be selfish, while telling both your bride and yourself that you are not being selfish, is to under value her time or things, and/or over value your time or things.
We all see things through “us coloured glasses”, so we don’t have to try to do this. On the contrary, it takes an effort not to do this.
When there’s a lot each of you needs to do, and not enough time, do you assume what you need to get done is more important? Do you say (or hint) that she should help you without really considering what she need to get done? Do you ignore what she needs to get done, rather than asking yourself if maybe you need to give her some of your time?
What about things? Do you see your stuff as inherently more value justly because it is your stuff?
I am not, but any means, saying her time and things are always more important; they are not. However, sometimes her time and things are more important.