How are you changing your bride?

August 10, 2011

in Seeing Clearly, Understanding Her

Dog crossing © Anke Van Wyk | Dreamstime.com

I have said many times you can’t change your bride; however, that statement is incorrect. It would be more accurate to say you can’t make your bride change in the way you would like her to change. The truth is our words and actions affect those around us, and that affect can and does bring change. Unfortunately, we usually have very little control over the nature of that change.

Years ago, we had a dog that hung out with me when I was working in my wood-shop. I taught that dog the meaning of the word “move”. When I said “Dusty, move” she would get up and move at least ten feet. When I needed to be where the dog was, this command worked great – but if I wanted the dog to go to a certain place, the odds of “move” getting her where I wanted her would be very low. The changes our words and actions bring about in our wife are a lot like this – we may ensure a change, but the odds of it being the change we want are very small.

Have you been saying “move” to your bride? How’s that working for you?

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3 comments
The Generous Husband
The Generous Husband

@William - I agree with you in that my wife and I have both caused the other to become better people. However, I see it as more of a coming along side and making room for positive change than trying to cause change. Maybe that's semantics. See my upcoming Thursday and Sunday post for more on trying to change others.

William
William

Hi Generous Husband, I've been subscribed to your blog for about a month now. Most of the stuff you write about I completely agree and has been a blessing. Your opinion on this subject I completely disagree with. I have changed my wife just as much as she has changed me. I changed her to a much better wife (the best) and she changed me to a much better man (so she says). So I don't believe that the chances of changing your wife to what you want are "very low". You just need to be consistent and loving at the same time. But most important of all, make sure what you're trying to change in her is for the better and not for your own selfishness. What do you all think about my opinion. Let me know in the comments.

John Delcamp
John Delcamp

Paul, I agree 100%. I have been married 36 years and about 2 years ago I began to realize that my wife today is a product of what I made her through the years. Oh, I tried to change her into what I wanted and realize that my actions and the way I treated her and responded to her did change her but not in the way I desired. My actions, both negative and positive have caused her to respond in certain ways to me - some of which I don't like and some which are totally opposite of the changes I had desired in her. The interesting part is that some of those things that attracted me to her are the things that I have tried to change over the years just because they were unlike me. If I could teach men one thing in the marriage relationship, it would be learn what it means to love your wife just like Jesus loves you when you act just like her to Him. God's results are always perfect and when we do things God's way, then we get almost perfect results. Our imperfections keep the results from being perfect.

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