Precipitating bad changes

August 11, 2011

in ~ list info, Her Needs, Seeing Clearly

Falling dominoes © Violka08 | Dreamstime.comI talked yesterday about the fact that we can cause our bride to change, but we don’t usually have much say over how she changes. Often it’s even worse than that – often we are likely to bring about changes that are not beneficial for her, and ultimately are harmful to the marriage.

If, for example, I didn’t like my bride asking, “What are you thinking?” I could pretty well ensure she would stop doing it if I always responded by yelling at her for asking. I would get what I wanted, but I would also have changed how she feels about me in a way that is not good for her, for me, or for our marriage. Always giving her a smart aleck answer when she asked that question would have the same affect; it might take a bit more time, but it would both stop the question and hurt her feelings.

Other ways we can bring about bad changes are by negative words, criticism, tone of voice, body language, and selectively ignoring. Any time we communicate frustration, impatience, or that we think she is silly or stupid, we change for the worse how she feels about us, and how she reacts to us.

Ever considered that some of the things you don’t like about her could be a reaction to things you have said and done?

W00T! TEN YEARS!: I missed the ten year anniversary of this blog on July 15th. That’s right – ten years of tossing out words, and no one has hunted me down yet! I missed a few days here and there the first two years, and did a few reruns the next few year – I estimate I’ve done just over 3000 unique posts (some more unique than others :roll: ). My bride started at the same time, missed fewer days, but did a few more reruns, so she is also at about about 3000 posts. I guess that tells you where we stand on the quantity versus quality debate! If you want to hep us celebrate, feel free to donate a penny for every post!

At this rate, I’ll hit 10,000 posts before I’m 70! (Although I may already have 10,000 speeling erros :evil: )

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3 comments
mikey
mikey

"Spelling erros". You crack me up, Paul! You've been helping me for right about exactly 4 years, now. Thank you!

Mark
Mark

heh. Funny you should mention that " what are you thinking." that question is very awkward for me. I dont know why, but stopping what Im doing to give an account of what i am thinking about all the time seems a bit invasive. Maybe thats why men find it annoying. it feels like she is prying. Not that my thoughts are some big secret, but it can become a bit tiresome having to translate raw unprocessed and unprepared thoughts for presentation on a moments notice. Let me decide if i have something to say. Dont force me to say it. Maybe my thoughts arent ready to share yet. Its especially annoying when you throw it all out there and the subject of your thoughts creates a conflict or hard difference of opinion. Then its like " this is what i get for sharing my raw unprocessed thoughts".

Grace
Grace

Congratulations on your 10th anniversary. Just to say your's and your wife's blog are an immense blessing to me. I haven't been reading for long but I've learnt so much. I don't know how you're able to post everyday but well done. Thanks for sharing..

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