In the article Sexual Relationships Always Consist of ‘Leftovers’, David Schnarch quotes from his book Intimacy & Desire: Awaken the Passion in Your Relationship:
“Sexual relationships always consist of ‘leftovers.’ You get to decide what sexual behaviors you don’t want to do, your partner does this too, and together you do what ever is left. This is how normal sexual relationships develop.“
I think this is a brilliant observation! No doubt, you’re thinking “Yeah, my bride won’t do anything I want in bed.” Maybe, but what has you taken off the table? You may think you’re open to anything, but I doubt that is the case.
- Are you open to more kissing?
- More foreplay?
- Taking everything a little slower?
- What if she said after some foreplay “I’m enjoying it, but I don’t think I will climax tonight – why don’t you climb on and just have fun?”
- Are you open to NOT pushing her about what she won’t do for a while, rather than bringing it up frequently, or hinting about it, or just trying to do it – forcing her to stop you?
- What about changing the time you have sex?
- What about going to bed together even when you don’t expect sex?
- How about staying awake after sex to cuddle and talk?