Lies: hers

August 23, 2011

in Communication, Understanding Her

Woman lying © Ginasanders | Dreamstime.comToday the top ten lies women tell, according to the article I mentioned yesterday.

1. Nothing’s wrong, I’m fine. 
2. Oh, this isn’t new, I’ve had it ages. 
3. It wasn’t that expensive. 
4. It was in the sale. 
5. I’m on my way. 
6. I don’t know where it is, I haven’t touched it. 
7. I didn’t have that much to drink. 
8. I’ve got a headache. 
9. No, I didn’t throw it away. 
10. Sorry, I missed your call.

Makes you worry about the women who answered that survey, doesn’t it?

I wonder how often a husband thinks his bride is lying when she is not, in fact, lying. (Yes, it works the other way, so apply as needed.) Differences in word meanings and different concepts about things can cause all manner of problems here. If she says she will be ready to go in “a moment”, how long is that? What does “I won’t be too long” mean? Not how long are those you, but how long are they to her? What about a word like “messy” – odds are you have different understanding of “the kitchen is a mess” or “the bathroom is not very messy”.

Another “that was a lie” situation I run into with couples is when someone changes their mind. If you stated what you thought, and then later think differently, you did not lie. If you state your true intention, but then fail to carry out what you have said, you are guilty of not keeping a promise, or of letting things get in the way of what you intended, but you did not initially lie.

Accusing your spouse of lying is a hard hit. When this is what they have done, it needs to be dealt with, but if they did not lie the accusation of lying is damaging to your marriage. Be careful about the “liar” label, it can do deep damage.

BONUS: When she insists she is “fine”, don’t just stop talking. Don’t badger her about whatever she is not saying; rather show her you care about her by take some time to talk to her about how her day went, or what has upset her recently. She may bring up the issue that was bothering her, or it may cease to be as big an issue in her mind. More often than not the “I’m fine” means that she feels disconnected from you and needs you to share some time with her.  

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