Honesty, not the best policy?

August 31, 2011

in Communication, Series

"FALSE" © Victor Correia | Dreamstime.com

True… or false. Whatever.

More on things found in the article 10 Marriage Rules You Should Break – called “rules you can break with confidence.” Here is another item where I disagree.

Always be 100% honest
In marriage, no-holds-barred honesty is not always the best policy. For example, “you don’t need to share details of past relationships,” says Bartlein. “That invites comparisons, and when you compare, someone comes up short.” The bottom line: You need to be polite and caring when it comes to your partner’s feelings.

While I have no problem with choosing not to offer up every last detail of everything in life, I have a concern about withholding information when asked. How does refusing to discuss it not come across as keeping secrets? Won’t the truth be less horrible than whatever she imagines if you refuse to share information?

As to past sexual relationships, I see withholding information as a block to a couples sex life. If your sexuality really belongs to our spouse, then that means all of your sexuality, past, present and future, and it means both the good and the bad. Selectively withholding information may keep you from hurting her feelings, but it also limits your sex life together. I think it’s better to get all the information out, deal with any hurt feelings, and move on to better things

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