More on things found in the article 10 Marriage Rules You Should Break – called “rules you can break with confidence.” Today I finish up with two items with which I agree, with clarification.
If there’s no spark, you’re doomed.
Cliche or not, feelings of love do ebb and flow. This is natural, and does not mean the marriage is going to crash and burn. That said, trends tend to continue unless something happens to change them. If your love has waned and not “bounced back” you need to do something to change that. The longer you go feeling disconnected, the harder it is to reconnect.
Boring is bad.
The problem with this so-called rule, says Bartlein, is when couples confuse a calm, predictable union with a bad one. A drama-filled relationship may feel exciting, but in the long run it’s not likely to be healthy. Isn’t it better, she says, to “boringly” know where your spouse is every night than to be “excited” by constant ups and downs? “Better to have a safe, relaxed, ‘boring’ life together in the everyday. You can always inject excitement with vacations and activities.”
I mostly agree with this, but always taking the “safe way” tends to result in a very limited life. In a perfect world that might be okay, but in a world that throws problems at us it is not. A deeper, wider life – and marriage – is better able to survive the problems of life that will occur. Predictable is fine, but not if it means you lose the ability to deal with the unpredictable.
The other issue here is the adage of the good being the enemy of the best. More on that tomorrow.