The Belief That’s Sabotaging Your Marriage

September 6, 2011

in Hope, Series

Colour shifting leopard © Hedrus | Dreamstime.com

Bet that tiger can’t do this.

I more or less stole the title of this post from a great article on how we feel about our ability to improve. As I see it, the belief that is sabotaging many marriages is that people don’t change (or can’t change, or won’t change). Most of us have heard “a leopard cannot change its spots and a tiger cannot change its stripes” which is supposed to indicate that people don’t really change – in fact, cannot change.

While most of us would agree that some people could change, I find most don’t expect others to change, and often we don’t want others to change – even when we don’t like how they behave. 

The truth is people can and do change. You can change, and your bride can change. One of the biggest obstacles to your changing is thinking you can’t. Another big obstacle is your wife thinking you can’t change. Your bride has the same obstacles to change.

That said, change is not easy. Our brains like the familiar, and go back to it at every chance. A change takes a lot of effort and concentration.

Because our brains like what is familiar, we tend to feel uncomfortable about changes in our spouse, even if those changes are good. We don’t trust change, and we will unconsciously work against change even when that change could benefits us.

Over the next few days, I will discuss change. I hope you will read with a mind open to the possibility of real change in yourself and your bride.

Also in this series:

Your Change
Her Change
Change – it get’s easier

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2 comments
The Generous Husband
The Generous Husband

@Anna - A valid issue. The series was done while we were traveling, and did not get edited as well as I would like. I'll reedit the series now. Thanks.

Anna
Anna

Hi! I love your articles and think the change series is great, especially for the guys because it gives powerful info in short space. One tiny request: please edit for grammar and spelling. I want my husband to read this and take it in; he will automatically discount what you have to say if its not correct on the page. Thanks!

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