I more or less stole the title of this post from a great article on how we feel about our ability to improve. As I see it, the belief that is sabotaging many marriages is that people don’t change (or can’t change, or won’t change). Most of us have heard “a leopard cannot change its spots and a tiger cannot change its stripes” which is supposed to indicate that people don’t really change – in fact, cannot change.
While most of us would agree that some people could change, I find most don’t expect others to change, and often we don’t want others to change – even when we don’t like how they behave.
The truth is people can and do change. You can change, and your bride can change. One of the biggest obstacles to your changing is thinking you can’t. Another big obstacle is your wife thinking you can’t change. Your bride has the same obstacles to change.
That said, change is not easy. Our brains like the familiar, and go back to it at every chance. A change takes a lot of effort and concentration.
Because our brains like what is familiar, we tend to feel uncomfortable about changes in our spouse, even if those changes are good. We don’t trust change, and we will unconsciously work against change even when that change could benefits us.
Over the next few days, I will discuss change. I hope you will read with a mind open to the possibility of real change in yourself and your bride.
Also in this series: