In the last half year I have become quite a fan of Michele Weiner-Davis – author of Divorce Busting: A Step-by-Step Approach to Making Your Marriage Loving Again and The Sex-Starved Marriage: Boosting Your Marriage Libido: A Couple’s Guide. Michele is passionate about avoiding divorce, and she has some out of the box ideas that can help what seem like lost cause marriages. Most of these ideas also have a place in marriages that are not on the brink of divorce. Today I want to highlight two of her “radical action” plans. Both of which are along the lines of “if you do what you have always done, you will get what you have always had” and that famous Einstein quote “Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.”
A Powerful Approach to Stopping Fights: Do a 180: Sometimes we encourage behaviour we dislike in our spouse by what we say and do. The more they do what we don’t like, the more we do what makes it easy for them to keep doing it. A sudden sharp reversal can show both of you the reality of the situation, and might be just what she needs to realise what she has been doing.
Do Nothing: A Novel Approach to Solving Marriage Problems: If you do things to cover her, or take care of things she does not do, she has no reason to change. If you stop covering or doing for her, she will have to face the consequences of her actions, and might change as a result. Likewise, if you are forever balancing her, or softening what she does, she is not dealing with the truth of her actions, and she may be moving even further away from what you want to try and offset your influence. A bit of nothing might result in revelation and changes.
Avoid insanity – try something different.