Sexual Attention Deficit Disorder? I came up with that term in my head a few months ago, and tossed it into my future post file. Today I did a bit of searching on that term, and not surprisingly, I found almost 90,000 results on Google. It’s an obvious term for something a lot of people are starting to see.
What is SADD? It’s being so distracted by the plethora of sexual images around us that it hurts our real life sexuality. Primarily this is about porn, and porn fueled masturbation. The results of SADD include:
- Loss of interest in sex with wife.
- Difficulty getting erect with wife.
- Losing erection during intercourse.
- Taking a long time to climax during sex with wife.
- Unable to climax with wife, or only able in one way (oral, anal, mutual masturbation).
- Only able to climax by thinking of porn images.
- Prefer masturbation (with or without porn) to sex with wife.
- No longer initiating sex with wife.
- Looking at porn to get aroused to have sex with wife.
What I find interesting is that many openly “porn positive” physiologist, counsellors, journalist, and other “experts” are starting to sound the alarm about SADD (by that name, or not). The reality is they are seeing it in their practices (or friends) – both men who have problems, and women frustrated by a husband or partner who has become unwilling or unable to have sex as they once did. Daily porn time is becoming more and more common among men (and women) and the amount of time spent is growing as both the quantity and variety of porn grow at an exponential rate. Anyone who regularly deals with sexual relationship in any way has seen the results – and even the most die-hard porn supporters are admitting there is a point at which too much is a problem.
If you have any hint of SADD, please stop now before it destroys your ability to enjoy sex with your bride. If you don’t have any hint, but use porn, be aware of the reality of SADD and make a smart decision now, before you and your bride suffer. If you are already having problems, the ONLY solution is to eliminate the porn completely and permanently. It will take many days or weeks, or maybe longer, but eventually your desire and ability will return. You may experience total erectile difficulty or the inability to climax for a while; wait it out. You may be tempted to masturbate to get relief you can’t get with your bride; don’t – it only delays your recovery.
What if you’re a wife and you think you husband is suffering from SADD? Should you try to act more like a porn star to help him move from porn to you? NO! Aside from the fact it will almost certainly ruin your sexual enjoyment, it won’t work. There is no way you can compete with what is out there; but you can do something far better. Real sex is not as flashy and outwardly exciting as porn, but it’s deeper and far more satisfying. Tell him you want to share a great sex life with him, and let him know porn is getting in the way of that. It’s not that you won’t make sex good for him if he uses porn, it’s that you can’t make sex good for him if he uses porn.
There are those who are calling foul on this whole idea because “there is no science to back it”. While there are some studies that support some of what I’ve said, it is certainly true there are no well done studies that prove any of it. While well-done studies are always preferable to anecdotal evidence, it’s foolish to ignore the growing body of anecdotal evidence on this – especially given how diverse the sources are. For most sounding the alarm there is not a moral issue – it’s all about their awareness of a growing problem.