Drive by snipe versus constructive discussion

September 29, 2011

in Her Needs, Marriage Killer

Woman targeted © Nennanenna | Dreamstime.comHow do you tell your bride you don’t like something she did, or said, or don’t like how she did or said it? It would be nice if she heard the words and did not get hung up on how you said it, but that’s not how humans function. What you say, how you say it, and when you say it will all improve or hurt the chance that she will hear you and consider making a change.

Things that don’t work, don’t help:

  • Snide comments
  • Sarcasm
  • Exaggeration
  • Anything said in passing as you walk away
  • Sighing
  • Rude comments
  • Anger
  • Frustration
  • Trying to deal with things when she is busy or stressed
  • Trying to deal with things when you are busy or stressed

Most folks either make a big deal of too many things, or fail to say something when they should; figure out which you tend towards, and become more aware so you can deal with things better. Do you need to let her know when something bothers you? If it’s something small you can ignore, that’s fine, but if it happens too often, or is one of many small things, it can become a problem. Some things you should not ignore, as ignoring them is unhealthy for you and/or for your relationship.

The biggest thing is to try to be calm when you let her know something bothers you. Put it on yourself if you can – it bothers you, not it’s a horrible thing that any rational person would hate. Offer a suggestion on how to deal with it if you have one, but be open to other solutions.

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2 comments
The Generous Husband
The Generous Husband

@Tony - I like the test, but see the problem. Waiting for the next occurring seems wise - and f it never happens again, that's good too!

Tony
Tony

This is a very helpful article. Thanks. I often find myself in the "fail to say something" category. I try to make things that bother me pass a test: if it still bothers me in a few days, then it's valid, but if not, then it wasn't worth mentioning. However, after a few days, it can often seem like I'm bringing something back up just to start an argument. Your post has given me new insight into how to deal with this when it happens again.

Trackbacks

  1. […] Drive By Snipe Versus Constructive Discussion – the list provided on how NOT to deal with conflict should be read, copied and posted on the bathroom mirror for quick reference.  This applies to both husband and wife. […]

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