Over the last couple of weeks, I have made a half a dozen tweets with the hashtag #NearDailySex (click for some of the tweets). It’s been fun to see who is retweeting it (more women than men, BTW) and that a couple others made Tweets about this.
But what does Near Daily Sex (NDS) mean?
- It means both of you are intentional about having sex most days.
- It means you are not rigid or legalistic about it – things happen, and some days it just won’t happen.
- It means a fairly wide definition of “sex”.
What does “sex” mean? What has to happen to qualify as “sex” for Near Daily Sex? For the purpose of this discussion, let’s call it a couple sex act that results in climax for at least one spouse – and for both if they both want to climax. This could be full-blown intercourse, a quickie, oral, manual, masturbating together, or some combination of those. It can happen in the morning, the evening, or during the day. It can be planned or spontaneous, and initiated by either of you.
The most important question is “Why?” or better yet “What are the benefits?” It might seem this is all about the spouse who has a greater interest in sex, but it really isn’t.
- Yes, NDS takes the pressure off the higher drive spouse. No worrying about having sex; there is enough that the occasional missed day is no big deal.
- NDS also takes the pressure off the lower drive spouse because the bar has been lowered with regards to what qualifies as sex. The lower drive spouse can “meet the requirement” far more easily and without fear of complaints.
- The lower drive spouse is free to decide they want more as the sex act progresses. This is especially good for women who don’t feel aroused until they are having sex.
- There is far less pressure for the sex to be great. If today is mediocre, it’s okay, because it won’t be days and days before you do it again. More sex means less pressure for each time to be fantastic.
- There is less mediocre sex, because practice does make perfect.
- Many women find that being sexual daily (with or without climax) makes them more interested in sex and able to climax more easily and more powerfully when they choose to do so.
- It’s good for your marriage. All other things being equal, couples who have more sex have better marriages.
- It leads to a more loving and helpful husband. He feels loved and satisfied, and that is going to affect how he feels and acts.
- It’s great for mental, emotional and physical health (see here and here for example).
- He can slow down and give more attention to her pleasure. A lack of sex causes a man to get tunnel vision about his orgasm. When sex happens almost daily, he will not only be able to focus more on his bride, he will want to focus on her because he finds it more enjoyable for him when she enjoys sex.
- Better sleep: aside from the fact that sex relaxes most folks, any bedtime habit makes sleep easier. If you have sex most nights, you will likely find yourself falling asleep faster and sleeping better.
If you want to try Near Daily Sex, please understand you have to take the whole package, or an altered version that you and your spouse agree to. Just saying “We will have sex almost every day” is unlikely to work if you don’t understand what I’ve said above. Additionally, you must each be prepared to make changes in your lives and schedules that will make NDS possible. This does not just mean making time for sex – it also means making time for the conversation, dates, and other things necessary for her to want sex most days.