Near Daily Sex

October 22, 2011

in Links to good stuff, Sexuality

Marking the days © Paul H. Byerly

Over the last couple of weeks, I have made a half a dozen tweets with the hashtag #NearDailySex (click for some of the tweets). It’s been fun to see who is retweeting it (more women than men, BTW) and that a couple others made Tweets about this.

But what does Near Daily Sex (NDS) mean?

  • It means both of you are intentional about having sex most days.
  • It means you are not rigid or legalistic about it – things happen, and some days it just won’t happen.
  • It means a fairly wide definition of “sex”.

What does “sex” mean? What has to happen to qualify as “sex” for Near Daily Sex? For the purpose of this discussion, let’s call it a couple sex act that results in climax for at least one spouse – and for both if they both want to climax. This could be full-blown intercourse, a quickie, oral, manual, masturbating together, or some combination of those. It can happen in the morning, the evening, or during the day. It can be planned or spontaneous, and initiated by either of you.

The most important question is “Why?” or better yet “What are the benefits?” It might seem this is all about the spouse who has a greater interest in sex, but it really isn’t.

  • Yes, NDS takes the pressure off the higher drive spouse. No worrying about having sex; there is enough that the occasional missed day is no big deal.
  • NDS also takes the pressure off the lower drive spouse because the bar has been lowered with regards to what qualifies as sex. The lower drive spouse can “meet the requirement” far more easily and without fear of complaints.
  • The lower drive spouse is free to decide they want more as the sex act progresses. This is especially good for women who don’t feel aroused until they are having sex.
  • There is far less pressure for the sex to be great. If today is mediocre, it’s okay, because it won’t be days and days before you do it again. More sex means less pressure for each time to be fantastic.
  • There is less mediocre sex, because practice does make perfect.
  • Many women find that being sexual daily (with or without climax) makes them more interested in sex and able to climax more easily and more powerfully when they choose to do so.
  • It’s good for your marriage. All other things being equal, couples who have more sex have better marriages.
  • It leads to a more loving and helpful husband. He feels loved and satisfied, and that is going to affect how he feels and acts.
  • It’s great for mental, emotional and physical health (see here and here for example).
  • He can slow down and give more attention to her pleasure. A lack of sex causes a man to get tunnel vision about his orgasm. When sex happens almost daily, he will not only be able to focus more on his bride, he will want to focus on her because he finds it more enjoyable for him when she enjoys sex.
  • Better sleep: aside from the fact that sex relaxes most folks, any bedtime habit makes sleep easier. If you have sex most nights, you will likely find yourself falling asleep faster and sleeping better.

If you want to try Near Daily Sex, please understand you have to take the whole package, or an altered version that you and your spouse agree to. Just saying “We will have sex almost every day” is unlikely to work if you don’t understand what I’ve said above. Additionally, you must each be prepared to make changes in your lives and schedules that will make NDS possible. This does not just mean making time for sex – it also means making time for the conversation, dates, and other things necessary for her to want sex most days.

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9 comments
Prelude to chaos
Prelude to chaos

This is all fine and dandy and I don't disagree with it for the most part. But as a wife of 12 years who has never been brought to climax by my wonderful husband, I do NOT agree that it puts less stress on the lower drive spouse. In my mind, it becomes entirely about "how do I make him happy tonight" and makes sex an obligation. I do not think that is the way it should be, but it is the way it is. I certainly don't mind helping him out, but it is definitely about him on those nights, not us and definitely not me. In 12 years, it has never been about me. Knowing orgasm is never an option and having to "have sex" anyways is a mood killer.

Darren Miller
Darren Miller

I agree with this post. The more I have sex with my girlfriend, the closer to her I feel, and the more I have come to understand how to make her climax. Making this time for love making also does wonders for keeping the spark and the connection in the relationship. My girlfriend and I try to get as creative as possible. I'm sure having sex the same way every day can get a little monotonous, so constantly spicing it up is great for the relationship.

The Generous Husband
The Generous Husband

@a wife who tries - My best suggestion would be to figure out where exactly you are being overstimulated and find a position that avoids that. Rear entry would greatly reduce clitoral stimulation. You could also try a modified man on top with him kneeling between your legs and entering less than all the way. As for quantity and quality, a lack of the first makes the second very difficult for a man, as he is too focused on climax. The more often he has release, the less of a hurry he is in, and the more he can focus on making it great for both of you.

a wife who tries
a wife who tries

I wish this could be the case in our marriage as it is my heart's desire to bless my husband abundantly! Unfortunately, when we have intercourse daily or even every other day, I don't enjoy it. I feel overstimulated. I need a couple of days to be receptive again. This leaves us in a position where in order to have "sex" daily, more often than not "sex" would end up being oral or manual - not the same connection or intimacy as intercourse. Manual and oral stimulation definitely have their place, but somehow I feel like we'd be selling ourselves short, more focused on quantity than quality, more focused on his release than on us feeling connected and close. I agreed wholeheartedly with your post "The best sex act?" from September 10th. So, any suggestions for not feeling "overstimulated"?

Prelude to chaos
Prelude to chaos

No, that's not it at all. I just am faulty. We have tried before. Many times. Too frustrating. I don't care enough for that. I can't do it either so it's not him, it's me.

TheGenerousHusband
TheGenerousHusband moderator

@Prelude to chaos I see. If you ever want to work on it, the best bet is a vibrator used solo by you. Once you know how, you can teach him. We know women in their 40's who had their first orgasm this way, then become orgasmic with their husbands.

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