Today I want to point to Jeff’s comments on my Tuesday post. As I have not checked with him about sending his comments out here, I will encourage you to go read his words and then see my comments below.
Jeff gets it – now. He is not yelling about his wife’s sins; he is confessing his. He is not saying he has changed, and she needs to see that and get with the program; he understands that her action were a result of his actions. Jeff seems to understand that the best way to get someone to deal with their own sins or issues is to put everything into working on your own sins and issues. It’s not guaranteed to work, but it’s far more effective than downplaying your own stuff and focusing on the other person’s stuff. I pray that Jeff’s wife will be able to see the change he has made, and will give him a chance to prove he really has changed.
The reason I have pointed this out is that some of you are well on your way to the same situation Jeff is in. How you are driving your wife crazy differs, and she may not respond by having an affair, but the reality is your actions, your refusal to accept her as good and right as she is, your endless attempts to change her, are going to cause her to act-out, drop-out, or step-out. No amount of telling her that such things are sin will keep her from doing one of them eventually if you keep doing what you are doing. Once it happens, once she has had enough, it will be difficult at best to salvage your marriage.
Yes, I have hit this same idea a number of times – and I will continue to do so. I do it because I know there are men reading this who are doing this to their brides, and I know those men don’t see it – choose not to see it. My hope is that hitting this regularly will help a few men “get it” before it’s too late.
And yes, women do this too (although it’s far less common). If you think your bride would see herself in this, send it to her. The reality is we don’t hear things like this well, and we hear them from our spouses not well at all.