Stop fighting over memory differences!

November 4, 2011

in Be a grownup, Links to good stuff, Marriage Killer, Understanding Her

I know it was 1963! © Daria Filimonova |

I KNOW it was 1963!

I’ve mentioned this before, and more than once (do you remember?) – your memory is not as good as you think it is! You clearly remember details that are wrong, forget things that happened, and probably remember things that did not happen. Yes, your bride does it too, but studies show that in most situations her memory is better than yours is. (One exception is directions, so keep telling her you really are not lost.)

My point here is that when you and your bride recall something different, odds are each of you has some of it wrong, and statistically she is more likely to be more right than you are. Given that, arguing about differences in memory is stupid! Being unset she won’t agree with you is not very smart either!

My suggestion is to accept that your memory is faulty, and know that no matter how sure you are, you could be wrong. With that in mind, give your bride a HUGE amount of grace when she recalls things you do not, or remembers differently than you do. Think before you correct; is what you want to say really important? Does it significantly change what she is saying? If it doesn’t matter, just smile and keep your mouth shut! (I’ve been doing this for about a year, and it’s avoided a lot of needless tension and arguments.)

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Image Credit: © Daria Filimonova |

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I agree. The most used phrase in my marriage is, "LET IT GO" ...past memories that is.


  1. […] Stop Fighting Over Memory Differences – the picture on this post alone is worth clicking over. Most of us have had stupid fights like these – and they usually happen when we’re with other people. A good reminder to stop! […]

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