In Brace yourself, the holidays are coming!, I suggested you “decide how much time you and your bride need for each other, and how much time your kids need with you, and then make hard decisions about what time you have left.” Let’s take that a step further. This weekend ask your bride to work with you to set aside specific time for the two of you as a couple. What each couple chooses will vary by individual love languages, personalities, and other factors, but here are a few things most marriages need to make time for – especially in this busy season.
- Talk: Your marriage needs time for the two of you to communicate and connect. This is beyond talking about the kids, the bills, and who will be where when.
- Time: Your marriage needs couple time, which means just the two of you. That can be a date, a walk, a drive to look at holiday lights, and so on. For some couples a day shopping together counts, for some it does not.
- Touch: Your marriage needs non-sexual touch; hugs, snuggling, light kissing, hand holding and so on.
- The other touch – aka sex: Your marriage needs regular sex. Not “okay, but be quick I need my sleep” sex – real sex where you both enjoy it.
That is not a complete list, but it’s some of the bigger ones. Add what you need, and have your bride add what she needs. Decide how much of these things bare minimum is, then figure out how to make time for at least that much. If you have to write it into your schedules, do so.
As you move through the weeks between now and the first of the year, take a few minutes once a week to review what you each need, and discuss how well or how poorly those needs have been met over the last week. Make adjustments as needed.
Bonus: Make it your job to be sure you bride is getting the things she says she needs, and in the amounts she says she needs them. Don’t brag about it or suggest you are doing better on her list than she is on your list – just give to her in this way as a gift of love.