On Monday, I tweeted the following: “Husbands: some women would have more sex if they felt free to not climax some of the times. Ask her. #SexTip” I received 5 retweets – 4 of them from women.
As a man, you are no doubt scratching your head over this. Why would anyone want to have sex and NOT orgasm? Why would anyone be more likely to have sex if they could choose to not orgasm? There are a several factors:
- Women tend to get far more emotional and relational pleasures out of sex than men do. This means sex without orgasm can still be very enjoyable for a woman.
- Women can become aroused enough to lubricate and have sex comfortably without being so aroused that they feel a need to climax for release. This means sex without climax does not always leave them congested and uncomfortable (as is almost always the case for men).
- Women don’t orgasm as easily as men. Most men orgasm with ease, and quickly when they are ready for it. Very few women can orgasm without plenty of time and effort. Sometimes it’s just not worth the effort, or she does not have the energy needed to do it.
- For many women orgasm is not a sure thing, or not always a sure thing. Sometimes she might know she can, but sometimes it may be she will try and not be able, or find it more difficult than she feels she is willing to work for it.
If you can accept those things, even though you can’t understand them, it starts to make sense why a woman might choose to have sex with no intention of having an orgasm, or say yes to sex when she is not sure if will orgasm.
On the other side of it, many women run into problems from their husbands if they have sex and don’t orgasm:
- He feels hurt or cheated if she does not climax.
- He feels like less of a man if she does not climax.
- He thinks she has been masturbating if she does not climax.
- He won’t take no for an answer, and just keeps going till she climaxes. While this may seem like a good thing, it’s not. She is being forced to do something she does not want, and any physical pleasure is negated by emotional frustration.
If you look at these things, it’s easy to see why a woman would find saying no to sex safer or better than saying yes when she is unsure she wants or will be able to have an orgasm. If there is a good chance she won’t want to climax, won’t be able to climax, or it will take more than she wants, and he is likely to get hurt or upset, then saying no to sex is less of a fight/problem than saying yes. Ironically, given that women can sometimes feel like having sex and still not be sure they can climax, this could mean sometimes saying no when she would really rather say yes.
The bottom line is that it is far easier for a woman to say yes to sex when she feels free to say no to orgasm. It is also easier for a woman to make an effort to have an orgasm when she knows hubby won’t be hurt or upset if it does not happen. It is nice if she can go into sex without deciding if she is going to orgasm; maybe she thinks she will want to, but then does not, and other times she does not expect to want orgasm, but then does. Being free to climax or not makes it easier for her to be sexual, and to enjoy sex with or without orgasm. Finally, feeling she must orgasm every time creates a physiological pressure that can make it more difficult to climax. Some women find that they orgasm more often when they feel free to not orgasm if they choose not to.
- Not all women feel this way, although most will at some point.
- For some this is a season of life thing.
- Some women will think this whole idea is crazy.
- A woman can get so aroused she needs release, and can suffer discomfort if that happens and she does not climax.
- If she does want to orgasm, it’s you duty to be there for her!
If you have never had this discussion with your bride, I suggest you do. Ask her if she ever feels like sex but not orgasm, and go from there. And please, get your pride out of it!