The tyranny of the moment

December 12, 2011

in Acts of Service, Be a grownup, Her Needs

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Five words jumped out of the sermon today – “The tyranny of the moment.” Does “the moment” ever cause you to do stupid things in your marriage?

  • You are so caught up in whatever you are doing you are rude to your bride either in word or deed.
  • You are so focused on your immediate goal you don’t listen to her.
  • You are so ready for sleep you fail to give her the ten minutes of talking and cuddling that would make such a big difference to her.
  • You are so desirous of sex you don’t take the time to warm up her body and mind first.
  • You are so upset at being interrupted you don’t even hear what she said.
  • You are so desperate to get ahead of the bozo who cut you off in traffic you terrify your wife with your driving.

In one way or another, each of those is putting some short-term thing with no long-term significance ahead of the woman you promised to love, honour, and cherish. This sends to her the message she is less important than whatever you are doing or wanting in the moment, and that’s not a message that blesses her or helps your marriage!

The term “tyranny of the moment” is appropriate as we can give in to the moment. We want what we want, when we want it, and we want to deal with what we are focused on to the exclusion of everything else. It’s easy to get such a narrow focus on now we make a mess of later.

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3 comments
Jeff
Jeff

My pastor always says: The "who" is more important than the "what". I agree. My Bride is more important than her acting out, her impulsiveness, impatience, infidelities, imperfections, her controlling ways, her deception, hypocracy, argumentativeness, disrespectfulness, her unwillingness to meet my emotional needs, her lack of desire for me, her inability to just be pleasant or friendly (to me)... all are simply "whats". My Bride is more important than my shock, anxiety, fear, anger, frustration, post-traumatic stress, my struggle to let go of the past, my "need" to be wanted, desired, admired, acknowledged, encouraged, edified, my "need" to NOT be dominated, lectured, spoken to like one of our children... all are simply "whats". My Bride is smart, creative, spontaneous, she's a great mommy, a good cook, a wonderful decorator and visual artist, she has a great sense of humor, she's charming beautiful and sexy... For better or for worse, she is my Bride. I will not divorce her. I obey God by remaining with her because its the right thing to do. The only true tyranny of the moment is in disobeying God by forgetting... The "who" is more important than the "what" ! Sincerely, Jeff

Ann Washburn
Ann Washburn

You can tell by my name that I am not a husband :-) but a wife. I came across your blog through StumbleUpon.com, and I subscribed to it even though I am a wife and not a husband, because I felt so blessed by your messages that I felt I could take them and switch the roles around--where you talk about the husband doing for the wife, I (the wife) can do for my husband. I DO also subscribe to your bride's blog, and am blessed by that, and have shared that with her. :-) Thank you!

Matthew
Matthew

What a memorable phrase! Thanks so much for sharing it with us! I am certainly guilty of some of these examples. This post came just after I finished reading Lori's new book, "First Kiss to Lasting Bliss" which repeatedly mentioned the importance of focusing on your spouse, even if that means sacrificing (in terms of putting their needs first). Definitely a lesson that I need to learn, when it comes to those little things in life.

Trackbacks

  1. […] Beware of putting, “some short-term thing with no long-term significance ahead of the woman you promised to love, honor, and cherish.” That’s the challenge before you. (You can read more in Paul Byerly’s article, The Tyranny of the Moment.) […]

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