Perceptions, expectations and standards

January 11, 2012

in Seeing Clearly, Series, Understanding Her

Playing cards wrong colour © Vladimir Gorbunov |

Wait a minute …

A great many marriage problems come from our perceptions, expectations, and standards – and how those clash with the perceptions, expectations, and standards of our bride.

Let’s start with perceptions. I have always hated the saying “Perception is reality”, but there is validity in the statement. Perception does not change truth, but it can significantly change how we think and feel about things – in other words, it can alter our personal reality. If you and your bride have significantly different perceptions about things, you are going to have trouble.

The thing about perception is that is it very subjective. How we see something depends on our past, our gender, how we feel today, and so many other things. Our perceptions change from day to day, and even moment to moment. However, we don’t tend to see these changes because we are moving with them. From our point of view, our perception seems unchanged or only slightly changed, when in reality our perception may have changed a great deal. 

I’m sure you can accept that your wife’s perception is flawed, limited, and easily changed; can you also accept that your perception is just as imperfect and equally given to being moulded by circumstances? If you can do this, you will make your life, and your marriage, a lot better. 

Also, try to be aware of clashes of your perception and her perception. Some problems can be eliminated by simply realising the two of you have different perceptions. Other times this won’t end the issue, but it will allow you to discuss it rationally. 

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Image Credit: © Vladimir Gorbunov |

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