Ever ask yourself why your standards are what they are? Is there a good reason for your standards, or are they something passed on to you you have never really examined?
There is a story about a couple that illustrates this:
The bride was a great cook, but every time she made a roast, she cut the end off and cooked it in a separate pan. Her husband asked why she did this, and she said, “It’s how my mom always does it.” A few weeks later, they are at her parents’ home for Sunday dinner, and the man asks his wife’s mother about the cut of roast end. She explains it’s how her mother taught her to cook a roast. A few months later, they are at the wife’s grandparents, and grandma servers roast. So the husband has to ask, after commenting on how good it is, why she cuts the end off and cooked it separately. Grandma said “Because my roaster is too small for the entire roast.”
Silly as that story is, you know it’s true. We learn things and just keep doing them without questioning the why. We don’t wonder if the good reason for those things has long since ceased to exist, or if the original reason was even valid. Our standards are the same way – we pick them up from our family as we grow up, and some we keep without ever questioning them. Others we reject more out of rebellion than because we have thought it out – so we still have a standard (an anti-standard?) because of someone else.
Are you holding your bride to standards that are mindless? Are you limiting her because of the thinking of people in your past, or even people you have never met? Are your expectations of her based on things that are no longer valid?
I am NOT suggesting just throwing out standards. What I am suggesting is that you examine your standards. One at a time, think about them. Why do you have those standards? Why were those standards created? Are the standards biblical? Are they really Bible based, or were you just told they were? Maybe your standards made sense when and where they originated, but don’t make sense now for your life.
By the way, many of her standards are no doubt the same. Asking her to examine her standards is good; asking her to examine her standards after you have done the same with yours is far better.
A day late, but still good: After doing a post on perspective yesterday, today I come across two other blogs with thoughts on perspective. Check out The Grand Illusion and Relationship Mishaps, Differing Perspectives and 3 Vital Conversations .