Double standards – the one’s that bless others

January 19, 2012

in Good Marriage, Series, YOU4HER

Which fork to use? © Boris Fojtik | Dreamstime.com

I said yesterday “I think being a bit tougher on yourself, and having higher expectations of yourself than you do of others, is a good thing…” Today I want to explore that a bit.

Being harder on yourself than your bride about things like being late, failing to do what is promised, dishonesty, rudeness, and grumpiness shows her that you want to be the best husband you can be. It also shows her that you are all about grace and second chances. Beyond this, it puts you in a good place to lovingly ask more from her. If you expect her to meet a slightly lower standard than the one you keep in a particular area, she can’t say you are unfair or asking too much. You have shown it can be done, and you are asking her to do almost as much.

This kind of a double standard is a great way to show your love. For example, if the “rule” is the one who cooks does not have to do the dishes, be very sure you always do the dishes when she cooks, and also do them sometimes when you cook. 

There are, of course, some places where this breaks down, especially when you try to apply it to things other than behaviour. In particular, you shouldn’t apply this where individual abilities vary. For example, I have mild face blindness, and my bride does not remember numbers well. It would be wrong for me to expect her to remember numbers as well as I can, or for her to gripe at me for not remembering someone. We can also get in trouble in areas where we care too much about something that is not a big deal to others. For example, if you see using your dinner fork for salad to be wrong, that’s fine; if you get upset at your bride for doing this after having tried to educate her, that’s going too far.

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Image Credit: © Boris Fojtik | dreamstime.com

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