When words upset her

February 28, 2012

in Communication, Understanding Her

Frustrated husband and crying wife © Pixattitude | Dreamstime.com

Ever said a few words to your bride that set a negative tone for the rest of the day – or longer? If your words upset your bride, maybe she misunderstood. Maybe she is too sensitive. Maybe, just maybe, you were too careless – talking without thinking.

If it happens often I suggest you dissect what was said when it happens and try to find common elements in what upsets her. If you find such elements, you may be able to avoid the problem. If what upsets her are things you need to discuss, know it’s going to be a problem and choose both your time and your words carefully.  

If you cannot find common elements in what you said when you upset her, maybe it’s more her than you. Try to identify common things in her life when she gets upset: stress, time of day, time of the month, just finished or about to start a certain activity, and so on. Again, if you can identify predictors of her reacting badly you can eliminate, or reduce the problem.

If you cannot find any rhyme or reason, maybe she’s just too sensitive. Maybe something from her childhood causes her to be easily upset by certain words or thoughts. Maybe she is way to stressed all the time. She might be unsure of your love, which could be due to your failure or to something from before she met you. Maybe she just needs to grow up a bit.

If you cannot find a rational explanation it is time to talk with her. Regardless of what the reason(s) may be, if you have already examined your words and some of the more obvious causes of her being easily upset, you will have a head start on dealing with the issue. Try not to frame it as you being tired of her getting mad at you for no reason. Instead, explain you want to work with her to find ways you can communicate with her that do not cause her to feel hurt or angry.

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