The grey area between loving and selfish

March 2, 2012

in Be a grownup, Seeing Clearly

© Zelfit | Dreamstime.com

Based on the comments and e-mails I received on yesterday’s The grey area between reasonable and unreasonable post, I am not the only one who experiences this. Nor am I the only one who sees it as a sign of selfishness. So let’s take it a step further.

Are all actions either loving or selfish? Is there a grey area between those two things – actions which are neither loving nor selfish? I confess a part of me says yes – a part of me very much wants there to be actions that are not loving but also not selfish. I want the wiggle room to do less than I know I should, to get by with a bit of selfishness while not admitting to myself I am, in fact, being selfish.

For example, I see something needs doing around the house. I have the time to do it, and I know it would bless my bride if I did it. If I do it, I feel good about myself for doing something loving. However, if I don’t do it, I don’t feel bad about being selfish. I want it to be okay to not do it. I want doing it to be above and beyond the call, and not doing it to be acceptable. Sometimes that may be the case, but sometimes – I suspect far more often than I want to admit – the reality is the opposite.

I’m working at being more loving. Sometimes it’s great, and sometimes it’s inconvenient. I think the inconvenient times are when I get a chance to become more Christ like.

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5 comments
The Generous Husband
The Generous Husband

Take Two - Agreed, but that's not what I'm talking about. If my bride has not done something that is "her job" because she has been sick, over worked, or kept to busy, and I have time to that thing, is is selfish to not do it? I would say yes, given all the conditions stated. If she's just lazy or I'm also busy/sick/whatever, that's different.

Take Two
Take Two

Keep in mind it isn't your job to do other's work for them. Christ didn't. Obsess over it and you'll go mad.

John
John

In a parenting class, I taught how God has created every child in His image, which means there is a need to be loved as God loves - sacrifically. But we as parents only to love the way the Greek describes a parents love which is deeper than friendship, (family love) different than sexual, but not to the extent of agape - God's love. I think we are the same in marriage. It comes easy to love our wife in the natural - above friendship love and we want the sexual love, but loving them the way God loves means it will cost us everything. We will have to become a scarifice. Because we fulfill the family love thing, we think that when we do love sacrifically, then it is above and beyond. However, because God created our wife with this inner desire for true love, we are not meeting her needs when we only sacrifice for her once in a while, feeling great about ourselves when we do.

business time
business time

In john 21, Jesus supernaturally hooks the disciples up with fish, AND cooks it for them. He always went above and beyond. I agree, at work one should not spend lots of time doing other's jobs. But at home?

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