Love: I choose you

March 5, 2012

in 1 + 1 = 1, Good Marriage, Series

The roller coaster of love © Photoxite | Dreamstime.com

The roller coaster of love

I have always seen love as a choice, not a feeling. I choose to love my bride – it was and is an act of my will. I realise many define love differently, but an act of our will is still a very important, no matter what we choose to call it.

Because love is a choice, I can’t “fall out of love”. If I “don’t love you the way I used to” that means I choose to make a change – it’s on me. I don’t love her less when I am tired, stressed, or grumpy. I don’t love her more when she does what I want, or less when she does not.

When love is a choice, you are not going to find yourself “in love with two women”. If that happens, it means you made a (very bad) choice. Any feelings or urges for another woman are just that. If those feelings or urges are “promoted” to love, it’s because you choose to do so. Besides, if love as a commitment includes choosing fidelity; you can’t “love two women”.

I suspect many don’t think of love as a choice. This leaves them, and their marriages, subject to feelings, whims, fears, and distractions. If you choose each other, for better or worse, come what may, you can get off the roller coaster some call love.

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3 comments
Katie
Katie

Our society in general overemphasizes the importance of romance and "being in love." I agree to a certain extent that "loving" a husband, wife or significant other is a choice one makes, since the intensity of the "in love" feelings eventually and inevitably do fade. There are so many different factors involved in truly loving and being committed to someone, aside from just the feeling or emotion of love.

John
John

The choice to love is the choice to obey God and Honor our wife. A crucial reminder--thank you.

John
John

I agree 100%. Whenever we are commandmented to do something, we have a choice to obey or disobey. Paul says, "Love you wife as Christ loved the church and gave His life for her." Because this is a command, it means we have a choice - making love a choice, just the same way Jesus gave us a command that we can choose to obey or disobey - "Love the Lord your God with all your heart, mind, soul and strength." As a Man, I am choosing to love.

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