Friendship: I like you

March 6, 2012

in Good Marriage, Series

Lovers and friends © Cynoclub | Dreamstime.com

Friendship is a vital part of marriage. If you have committed to your spouse, and made a choice to love, but you are not friends, you will never have a happy marriage. Friendship is about liking your spouse. You enjoy being together, doing things together, sharing your time and space with each other. Being friends means you would choose to spend time together even if you did not “have to”. 

This one is a lot more difficult than choosing to love because our emotions and thoughts are involved. We don’t want to spend time with someone if we are mad at them, or feel they have cheated us, failed us, or expect too much from us. You can choose to act like friends, but that does not make you friends.

If you are not feeling much like friends, think back to when you did. What has changed? What about you, what about her, what about your circumstances, has changed? As we mature we don’t look for the same things in friends; if you are still expecting or offering the same kind of friendship you and your bride had years ago I bet one or both of you is frustrated. Be ready to scrap what is no longer working. Find things to do together you both enjoy. Maybe that means one of you learning to enjoy what the other already likes, maybe it means finding something new. Stick with it, keep trying things, find ways to be together and have fun.

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1 comments
Rick
Rick

So true! The hardest part of any marriage is first deciding to love our spouses. The next hardest part is living to like them. Because friendship is based on emotion and what we get out of it there will be times that we won't like each other. Indeed there will be times when we don't like ourselves! My DW and I mentor engaged couples in preparation for thier wedding day. One of the cornerstone ideas we share is that while we decide to love each other every day there will be days that we wake up and "don't particularly Like" each other. We need to understand that this is normal but necessarily must not be a common occurance. The good news is that the more we decide to Love each other, no matter what, we find it easier to like each other as well.

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