This is a follow up on yesterdays As a man thinks… post.
What separates those who have a strong sense of love and belonging from those who struggle for it? According to Brené Brown*, “Those who have it believe they are worthy of love and belonging.” It’s that simple, those who feel they are worthy, or deserve it, have it. They are as they think. (If you have a problem with the word deserve, see The marriage you deserve?)
Brown goes on to explain those who feel loved, who feel they belong, have “the courage to be imperfect”. Are you okay with being imperfect? If not, you’re going to be unhappy. No matter how much you may think you should be, being perfect is one thing you can’t think yourself into being. Brown says that those who feel loved are “willing to let go of who they thought they should be in order to be who they were”. Forget about being what someone said you should be (such as perfect) and be who you are. I would say be who you are in Christ, the new man He made you. That won’t look like most people want you to be – too bad for them. The benefit, aside from not seeing yourself as a failure, is that others will be drawn to you because you are authentic. Brown found that those who were themselves had more “connection as a result of authenticity” and many studies have shown that more connection results in being happier.
Bottom Line: What you think about yourself has a huge impact on feeling loved, feeling like you belong, and happiness. Your mind can make you – and those around you – miserable. Your mind can also make you – and those around you – less miserable. You have the power to make your life, your marriage, and most things around you better or worse. I’m NOT saying you can fix everything, you can’t. I’m not saying horrible things won’t matter or being rejected won’t hurt – but those things can be less painful.
Of course, it’s easier to say than to do. If you have not thought yourself worthy, changing that is going to take real effort. I’ll talk about thisagain in a couple of days, after you think on it a bit.
* Brené Brown: The power of vulnerability (A TED talk)
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