Should I Thank or Forgive Her?

March 28, 2012

in Be a grownup, Seeing Clearly, YOU4HER

Angry man © Pixattitude | Dreamstime.com

How can people be so stupid?!

My bride pointed me to Michael Hyatt’s blog post 7 Steps to Becoming a Happy Person Others Wants to Be Around. At first, I was unsure if I should thank her, or forgive her; or maybe both.

If you ever complain about people to others, you need to go read this post. You need to read every word, several times. I can say this with confidence because I am such person. I don’t think it shows here too often, and I fight it, but I am like that. I tend to limit my expression of my frustration with others to a few who I think can handle it – my bride included. I suppose I should be glad she loves me enough to help me vent when I “need to”, but honestly I think I need to change so I don’t need to vent. I keep it under control, I “know when to stop” – but that’s really not good enough.

For me, the most important thing in Michael’s post is this: “Assess your needs. What need are you attempting to meet by complaining?” I have a fast answer for that, but I’m fairly sure it’s my cover, not the deeper truth. Oh joy, something I can let God do to grow me up. I just love growing up! (No, I don’t really, but I do like the end results.)

Of course, there is also the issue of subjecting my bride to so much negativity, and the bad affect that must have on her. Bad plan Paul, bad plan. I guess it is I who owe her an apology.

As for my bride, I’m joking about needing to forgive her. I deeply appreciated her pointing me to this article. I’ve been sharing with her my desire to change, to grow, to be a better person. I’ve expressed some places where I feel I’m not who I should be. This article is a perfect fit, and I am very glad to have been hit across the face with it. (Really)

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4 comments
The Generous Husband
The Generous Husband

Phil Evans - I agree - also a problem. A bit less rude maybe, as it's not attacking another, but most of the same points apply. I've also known those who beat up on themselves as a way of keeping others from doing it. This can become a trap that keeps the person from dealing with real issues where change is needed.

Phil Evans
Phil Evans

Thanks for the correct link Matthy. And thanks for this article Paul. Rather challenging. Just a comment though: one of my problems, and I suspect one many also recognise, is that as well as complaining about others, I spend a lot of time complaining about myself. My office mates accept as a part of working life my sudden self-deprecating exclamatories (and rants). Changing this is, IMO, even harder than the (very hard) task of changing how I complain about others, because to look out for myself doing things right, or to speak good about myself feels wrong, arrogant and proud (yes I know, Paul writes about "sober judgement" not self-deprecation, but theory and practice are rather different!)

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