Today is April fool’s day; a day for pulling pranks and trying to convince people some outlandish story is true. So today seems to me like a great day to discuss how we joke with our brides.
I’m big on humour. I like laughing, I like making other’s laugh, and I know laughter does good like a medicine. I tend to agree with my wise friend Jack who always said, “It doesn’t matter who the joke is on as long as everyone laughs.” However, everyone MUST include the person the joke is on – which is why Jack was the butt of most of his jokes.
Humour can be a great marriage tool. You can use it to cheer up your bride, you can share it to build oneness, and you can use it as a peace-offering (repair attempt as Gottman says) during an argument. However, humour can also do great harm. You have to learn your audience – your bride. What does she find funny, and what does she find gross or distasteful? Where can she laugh at herself, and where can she not? You need to learn when she feels like laughing, and when your attempts to make her laugh feel like you are making fun of her. Also, be aware sexual innuendo puts many wives off sex.
Another issue is how your bride will feel about your humour with others. She may get uptight, concerned about how others will take your humour, or what they will think of you for some of the things you say or do. This is a difficult issue as you need to balance being yourself with her being concern for you, and her being offended on behalf of others. If she is trying to get you to change who you clearly were before you married her, pointing that out to her is important. On the other hand, she may see things you do not, and may be more accurately sensitive to the feelings of others than you are. Even if she is over-blowing it, she may be onto something real. Don’t dismiss her without trying to understand and verity what she is saying.
Links to blog posts that stood out to me this last week:
A Grown Up Marriage
Oral Sex, Leftovers and Development: Good thoughts here. Note – if you want your bride to think along these lines I’d point her to the article form Hot, Holy, and Humorous mentioned.
Black and Married with Kids
Five Creative Dates – With Childcare Included: Good ideas (our church small group is working on #4 right now)
The Generous Wife
Tortoise Beats Hare : Slow and steady does win the marriage.
Spend Wisely: Applies to money and time.
God in You | Daily Generous Wife Tips http://bit.ly/Hbr4Qp: If you have not seen this clip from Britain’s Got Talent, you owe it to yourself to check it out. Notice how the young man is unwilling to throw his female partner under the bus Simon is driving her way.
Happily Married After
April is Sex Month on HMA! : This is your heads up!
Intimacy in Marriage
MT Project: My Spouse Isn’t Perfect : We all know that, but do we act on it?
Troubleshooting: Check an fine tune your marriage code!
One Flesh Marriage
This week, and part of next, One Flesh Marriage is doing guest posts on the question “If there was only one thing from the story of your marriage that you could share, what would it be? What lesson learned, revelation, heart change or profound moment is a testament to God’s plan for marriage? ” Here are the first six:
Don’t Panic-You’re In it for the Long Haul: Sheila of To Love, Honor and Vacuum
Pinnacles of Faith: Tom and Debi of the Romantic Vineyard
Lots of Past Sexual Experience or None?: Julie at Intimacy in Marriage
Ladies First?: Scott of Journey to Surrender
The Vows We Make: Mike Lusby, author of And Then We Danced
Miracle or Quick Fix: J (or Mrs. Hot, Holy, Humorous) at Hot, Holy, Humorous
Balancing Grace and Truth: Either one without the other usually ends badly
Romantic Act of the Day
Put a Cap on the Grumbling: A good reminder.
Not for the Faint of Heart: This is HER sport.
An Old-Fashioned Expression of Love: I’ve never done this…
Spring Gardening: The flowers that keep on giving.
The Romantic Vineyard
He Said, She Heard: How far will you go to get to understanding?
Breaking Old Habits and Busted Traditions that don’t work in Marriage: Stupendous Marriage Show 39: Good stuff, if you have not listened to Stu and Lisa yet, this is a great show to start with.