We were recently watching a show in which the hero was a super spy with two personalities in his head – the spy personality activated when he was at work, and the cover personality activated when he went home to his wife and kids. Something went wrong. The husband sometimes popped up during a mission, while the spy sometimes showed up at home. The spy would smack the wife on the rear, hard, when he left her. This was portrayed as being greatly enjoyed by and arousing for the wife. I thought it was stupid, while my bride was upset by it. Not for herself, but because it was teaching clueless men to hurt women. I certainly see her point, and want to address it here.
Believe it or not, most women are not into pain. It does not turn them on, it turns them off. What’s more, her body is softer than your body, so she is more easily hurt. If she says she does not like being swatted, pinched, or held in a way that leaves bruises, you need to stop. If you don’t stop, you are engaging in physical abuse of your wife. Read that again, I mean it. It’s not play, it’s not fun and games, it’s not innocent teasing, it’s physical abuse. Don’t cover by saying “Oh that doesn’t hurt” – this is adding calling her a liar to the physical abuse. You have no idea what it feels like to her, and arguing with her about what she feels is insulting.
One other thing in this category for most women is being tickled. While some small children do enjoy being tickled, few adults do. If you’re not sure, ask her. If she does not like it, don’t ever do it again!
By the way, if you ever do this, and your bride is sometimes less than thrilled about having sex with you, GET A CLUE.